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January 25, 2010


Those Were Different Times Contest #2
Brought to you by The Success Motivation Institute Inc. it's Elmer Wheeler's AWARD WINNING TALK "Selling The Sizzle".
11. Even for the album cover photo shoot, Elmer couldn't keep his eye off of Mrs. Clark's tits.
10. Featuring the Number one hit "Hot Beef Injections".
9. Ironically, Elmer invested his royalties in the Ponderosa Steak House company, and upon their bankruptcy, proved that he could sell the sizzle, but not the steak itself.
8. It’s all in the Clip-On.
7. It's been a law in Florida since 1997 that if you're having a yard sale you must be selling, among other things: a crock pot, jack stands (car ramps will do) and at least one Elmer Wheeler album.
6. I must have this award winning "talk"! I have so much goddamn sizzle just gathering dust around here, maybe I could sell it on ebay?!
5. Before this, people ate their bacon raw.
4. Tony Robbins was conceived to this album.
3. "Don't eat the penis, it's just a garnish."
2. If you can sell a 6 pound sirloin covered with slices of salami and provolone cheese, you can sell anything.

1. y'know, record executives catch a lot of flack for interfering with the sensibilities of artists, but the notes for "Selling the Wavy Lines" were spot-on