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January 01, 2009
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1) While all my friends in High School went on to drink beer and party as a sophomore, I still hung out with my junior high friends in an alley waiting for passing cars so we could pelt them with waterballoons.  We hit my sisters car a total of 4 times and my mom's a total of 6.  We were chased by the police more times than I can remember, but were never caught.  

However one night we did hit the car of a Senior Defensive Tackle for Permian High School.  He proceded to park his car and hunt us down and this he successfully did when I noticed a 6'5, 265 dark figure run across the street in .02 seconds and wrap both his hands around my throat.  I was with 8, yes 8 friends and as they saw this they turned and ran away.   Luckily I knew the guy from Junior High and we had a laugh about it.  One of my friends hid in a bush and cried because he thought I was going to be beaten to death.

2) Other acts of mischief when we were out of waterballoons.......1) Faking a fight in the middle of a 4-way intersection so cars HAD to stop and then the person who got fake beat up would try to talk to person who stopped into letting him ride with and hunt down his assailents.  So basically we got into cars with total strangers to hunt each other down.  One of my friends got into the car of a very well know insurance agent in the Odessa area before my friend could even say anything, the guy yelled, "Hurry, get in.  We're going to catch these mother fu##er's!"     2) Throwing a  Halloween costume stuffed with newspaper onto cars driving by and then having one of us in the same costume lay in the middle of the road after they turned around to come back.  3) putting a childs car seat w/ baby doll in middle of the intersection.  That's it, now I'm starting to feel bad.

3) Just after Pledging, I went to Taco-C with Shaer, Bags and Sutter.  We had been drinking and after we ate Bags proceded to tear down every banner and sign at the restaurant and then run away.  Someone came up to us and asked if we knew him.  Of course, we had no idea who he was.

4) One summer Shaer and I were at these girls apartment when Shaer asked if I wanted to go smoke.  I said ok and we left.  Needless to say whatever he had made us pretty silly.  We went back to their apartment, but decided we couldn't go back in because we had been gone for 4 hours and it was like 5 in the morning.  Shaer broke into a hysterical laughter, which made me break into a hysterical laughter and when I asked what was wrong he asked me to look at the clock.  We had been gone for 20 minutes.

5) One Halloween a group of us went to Schooners for some reason.  E was the only one to dress up in some scary-ass costume and of course had some drinks.  He had a bag of candy he had stolen and by the end of the night he asked everyone he saw if they wanted a piece of candy.  For those who said no, E shoved the piece into their mouth.

6) One of my best friends and roomate for three years had a house about 10 miles from Baylor on 5 acres of land.  His parents bought the house and 3 of us lived there with 2 other friends living in a small house behind us.  My best friends mom kicked me out of the house when I decided I would no longer pay rent.

7) In the house behind us Sutter and Dane lived.  A door from my room led to the back yard and Sutter called me to come outside and see if I could find him.  I stepped out the back door still on the phone with him and told him I saw nothing.  He then stood up in the middle of the field about 20 yards from me in his gilly suit he had been working on for months.  Then proceeded to call me a blind civilian mother fu##er.

8) A couple of nights later Sutter called me to come over so I walked out my back door.  As soon as I shut the door, I hear someone whisper, "You're dead mother fu##er."  As I turned around I knew it was Sutter, but what caught me off guard was him being dressed in full camo, face painted and having a loaded 9mm pointed right at my face.  I then got another lecture about being stupid because it could have been a "fake phone call" so someone could get me out of the house to kill me.

9) In High School, my good friend Travis and I would go home for lunch, get wasted and then go back to school.  One day we went to his house where I proceeded to take 7 shots of tequila and then vomit everywhere.  Travis was just as drunk, but we made it to Pre-Cal the next period.  The only thing I remember is laying my head down on my desk and then the bell ringing for class to be over.  As I walked out into the hall, Travis was being pinned up against a locker by his throat by some guy he had been picking on the whole class period.

10) Beer Pong.  Little Butter's Place. 9th Street.  Got Cupped about 8 times in an hour.  Decide to walk home and I throw up all the way there.  Look up and there's about 25 Kappa's on the poorch across the street.

11) One night at washer's 2 girls come driving by in a mini-van.  Some of my friends got them to stop and walked over to talk to them.  The mini-van contained the 2 front seats and a double mattress laying in the back.

12) A group of us went to Destin, FL for Spring Break one year.  One of the girl's we were with was going around the room saying what character everyone was from Saved By the Bell.  She said I was Screetch, I told her to shut the fu## up!

13) We were at the house behind Sonic for a party.  Kegs and everything.  One girl was getting a beer from the keg and while she was walking away she totally wiped out, face first.  I walked over to her and asked her how it felt to bust her ass.

14) I stayed the night with a girl one night and we had the house to ourselved so I thought.  The next morning I walked into the living room in my boxers the exact same time as J.T was walking into the living room.  He was with her roomate.  It was a High-Five moment.

15) I took a very strong Christian Baylor Bubble girl to go see Little Nicky on our first date.

16) In Vegas I shared a room with Dusty and Lamm and shared a bed with Lamm.  Our last night we had a girl in our room asleep on the floor, Dusty passed out in the chair and Lamm and I sharing a bed.  An hour went by before I realized their was a whole queen bed open right next to me. 

17) That same trip, Cody told me that Caesar's Palace had the most comfortable floors he had ever slept on.

18) Marcus got about a 20 yard running start and hit a guy harder than I've ever seen anyone get hit.  The guy was Cody.

19) In Vegas Marcus sent back a $75 bottle of wine because he said  it was just "ok"  He then proceded to order a cheaper bottle that somehow he didn't even get charged for.

20) On the Booze Cruise, I brought a girl back to our cabin.  Holt was asleep on one of the beds and she tied his shoelaces together.  Someone else was on the floor.  The girl and I got in the other bed.  The next morning our room was packed with 6 guys and she was still in my bed.  She panicked and ran out the door, but with only one shoe.  She came back screeming, "Where's my shoe!"  I found it and gladly tossed it to her while whe was standing in the doorway.

21) We went to New Orleans for New Years and of course I get separated from the entire group who decided to go into a bar.  I walk all the way down Bourbon St. and at the end it's less crowded and only men.  I then realize it's the New Year when they all start making out.

22) My freshman year one of my girlfriends introduced me to a girl who I was in love with.  One night we were with some of her other friends and I was talking to a guy about this girl.  I made a remark about how great her breasts were.  He said he knew because it was his girlfriend. 

23) I was pulled over twice at Baylor stone-cold sober and asked to do sobriety tests because of the way I talk. 

24) The third time I was pulled over and asked to do a sobriety test  wasn't because of the way I talked, it was because the officer saw Hunt chugging beer in the back of my truck.  I still passed.

25) Cody and I saw  Wrestlemania in Houston and saw Brett Hart's last live appearance in the wresting ring.  I think the best thing is that we talk about these experiences with honor, like we accomplished something great in life. 

26) In Vegas it is frowned upon if you spill your drink on any gambling table, you may even be asked to leave.  Cody managed to spill his drink on the table twice within a ten second span.

27) I went to Shreveport for Koch's wedding.  When we got there we all went gambling.  I had $60 in my checking account.  I took out $40 and lost it in about 5 minutes.  I went to get the last $20 out, but the machine wouldn't let me because of the $2 service fee they charge you.

28) In Vegas Cody, Dusty and I were sitting in the pool when I girl got in across the pool from us.  Her nose starting bleeding and I mean Bleeding.  No one told her.  I guess she just thought it was water running out of her nose.  We just sat there and remarked about how disgusting this was, yet we still remained in the water.  The lady was hot, except for the blood smeared all over her face.

29) Last summer when I was living in Odessa, I told Summer that I would come to her family's place on Lake Travis for the weekend.  I later decided I couldn't go because I had to work on Friday.  After work I went out drinking till 2 a.m. then felt bad for not going to the lake.  I then thought it was a great idea to go so I got Jeremy to go with me.  We arrived on Lake Travis @ 8 a.m.

30) On the Booze Cruise we stopped on some island.  Afterwards we had to get taxi's back to the cruise ship.  Marcus and Mike shared a cab.  When they got out of the cab, Mike threw up all over the hood of the car.  The driver demanded that they pay for it to be cleaned.  Marcus took off his sandle and wiped off the vomit.  Problem solved.

31) Before Cody, Dusty and I went to the pool, we walked around Caesars, went to shops, saw Pete Rose and fun stuff like that.  We then walk into a place serving frozen margaritas.  This is the moment Cody and I become the two biggest geeks in Vegas.  Cody buy's he and I a yard of a frozen drink.  For those who don't know, a yard is a drink in a glass a yard tall.  If that's not bad enough, the drink is in a bright purple cup with a neon green straw sticking out of it.  You could see Cody and I from 5 miles away with these drinks in our hands.  We carry these drinks everywhere because is takes us 2 hours to finish them.  We actually didn't even finish them, it was too much.  I later gave Cody one of my bathing suits as repayment for the Yard.

32) Another pool story involves Marcus passing out at the pool the night he was DeMarcus.  He stay's there throughout the entire night until mid afternoon the next day.  Cody has changed rooms and needed to give Marcus the new room key.  Cody goes down to the pool where Marcus is still passed out and goes through his pockets to check his cell phone and put Marcus's new key in his wallet.  You should have seen the look on this Asian Family sitting next to Marcus who thought Cody was robbing Marcus in brood daylight.

33) Last weekend I went to the Monzingo Family reunion for the first time.  It started 4 years ago and involves Monzingo's from all over and somehow we're all related.  One Monzingo is a geneologist and has traced our roots back to the first Monzingo named Edward Mozingo.  I have now discovered that Edward Mozingo, my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was a "Negro Slave" in Virginia.

34) This reunion was also at quite possibly the most white trash place I've ever set foot on.  It was a place on Lake Buchanan.  Our address to our trailer where we were staying was written on a paper plate and duct taped to our Trailer.  My dad gave the manager a ride somewhere in the trailer park.  She maybe had 3 teeth and those were stained with tobacco juice.  She had her 2 month old grandson with her and my dad said he was a cute kid.  The grandmother's response?  "Yeah, can't wait till he's one so we can get him a tattoo!"

35) One of my friends from Odessa picked up three darts and jabbed them into his sisters shoulder

36) The same friend, Travis would always have football games over at his house.  We would get about ten guys and play.  One afternoon I was getting a ride to his house from my grandmother. We pull up and Travis and Henry are in the middle of a fight, their dukes up ready to start swinging.  Travis sees my grandmother pulling up, puts his hands down, turns his head and waves to her.  Henry clocks Travis on the side of the face.

37) In High School Eric had a party at his mom's house while she was out of town.  His parents were divorced and he was supposed to be with his dad this weedend.  Eric throws a huge bash and to this day still can't believe it didn't get busted.  We drank a lot and ate jello shots straight from the pan with spoons.  Eric and I passed out in his mom's bed w/ 2 girls.  There's people passed out all over the house.  His dad walks in at 5 in the morning screaming for everyone to get out.  It turns into a madhouse with people running everywhere.  His dad comes into the room where we're at, cussing and screaming.  He yanks me out of bed and says, "Party's over Will."  I said, "Yes sir," and left.

38) My friend Marcus got married about 3 years ago at his father-in-law's ranch in Van Horn.  It was a nice wedding.  I was one of the groomsmen with 4 of my other buddies.  During the middle of the ceremony Eric rips quite possibly one of the worst smelling farts I've ever smelled in my life.  From that point on I was giggling uncontrollably throughout the rest of the ceremony.

39) One night while playing washers, Dane, Buyan and I decided the three of us should drink a whole handle of Jack Daniels by making Lynchburg Lemonade.  We succeeded in our conquest.  Buyan passed out and Dane through up for a couple of hours.  I went into Koch's house and put in a fat dip.  That was a mistake.  As soon as I put it in the room started spinning like no room has spun before.  I got up to spit my dip out and ran right into the wall and fell to the ground.  I stayed there for several minutes.  I then managed to get to my feet and went to Koch's room where he was trying to sleep.  I started talking to him and he told he had to go to bed because he was "Too drunk to make sentences."

40) I tried to make it to as many Baylor football games as possible, but usually only made it to the George's Tent.  I usually would stay there and watch the Longhorn games on the t.v's and drink beer the whole game.  My friends would come back and get me when they left the stadium to drive me home.

41) Woods and I drove 11 hours one weekend to a bar in Florida called the Florabama because they were having the Hippie Festival.

42) Woods had a place in Florida and had gone to the Florabama quite a bit and McKenzie had gone with him.  We went one Spring Break.  The night we went McKenzie said this was the coolest bar because everyone was so chill and he had never seen a fight there before.  That night I guy was looking at me, so I thought I would go get in his face and ask him what the fu## he was looking at.  His friends surrounded me and the bouncers immediately separated us, taking me into another bar and taking them outside.  The bartender finally let me go and I walk outside to find E, Shaer and Bags beating the holy hell out of those guys.  McKenzie later bitched me out for starting the only fight he had ever seen at Florabama

43) The last quarter meeting/party I had with my company was at a park in San Antonio.  They had all kinds of games including a karaoke contest.  No one would sing so the main boss and my manager tried to get people up there.  I've never karaoked and swore that I never would.  My boss talked me into it, so I went up there and sang my song.  I won the karaoke contest with "Man I Feel Like a Woman."  How did my boss get me up there to sing you ask?  4 beer tickets.

44) In high school I got one of my girlfriends an M.I.P. on our first date.

45) I applied for Bullriding school after I graduated from Baylor, but didn't have the money to go.

46) One weekend a group of us went to Shaer's lake house in Brownwood.  One night Mike  was in bed with a girl and rolled over to find the other Mike standing over him buck naked.  Naked Mike asked Mike  if he had some pants he could borrow.  Mike gave him a shirt and Naked Mike proceeded to put on the shirt like a pair of pants.  One leg through the neck hole, the other through one of the arm holes.  He walked around for awhile in his shirt/pants combo and later went to sleep in the back of Cody's Tahoe where he peed.

47) One night E decided to do doughnuts in Dave's front yard using his girlfriends Tahoe.  Dave called the cops on E and when the cops got there and made E stop, they asked him if he had been drinking.  E told the cops that he was fu##ed up and they told him to go home.

48) Another washer night Josh N. and Brent decided to take the Kappa Sig swing from across the street.  They ripped it off the porch, brought it back to where we were playing washers and proceeded to kick the swing into a million little pieces.  Matt P, the Kappa Sig who's swing it was calmly walked over and said, "hey, that's my swing."  Josh, by far the biggest guy there, ran, jumped in his car and sped away.  Brent said he was sorry and Mike, who had nothing to do with it, bought Matt a new swing.

49) I just thought about getting a cooler of beer and climbing on the roof at Gurley and drinking all night.  I know that's not a great story, but if you were there it is.

50) The most expensive ticket I've ever gotten was possession of fireworks. It was $250.  There were a group of guys at Woods' house and they had picked up a group of girls driving by.  Woods was leaning out his window throwing fireworks.  I walked over to join in the fun.  All of a sudden police lights were blazing.  Woods shut his window, so he was scot free.  I suddenly had a spotlight on me and I turned around with both hands full of bottle rockets to find 4 Baylor cops surrounding me.  I was dead in the water.  One cop wrote me a ticket and lectured me about how dangerous my actions were.  Of course Bags talked shit to evey cop there.   (Marcus just reminded of  another part of this story that apparently I forgot because I may have been a little drunk--Here's Marcus' involvement in the story)

You left out a part of story number 50.  If you remember correctly you were really, really drunk.  The cops asked me if I would walk you across the street to your house so that you wouldnt get hit by a car.  Now that is really messed up if the cop doesnt think you can walk across the street....

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