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The flicking of bottle caps will no longer be tolerated. No more can I stand by while others twist off their bottle caps, raise them high above their heads and flick them toward distant corners of my apartment or unaware partygoers. Penalties will be enforced. Social and physical repercussions will be realized.
The flicking of bottle caps may seem some sort of meaningful skill or acquired communication tool within certain circles. Others may believe it is an amusing way to pass the time while drinking or a means to solidify a healthy bromance.
Flicking bottle caps is none of these things. The flicking of bottle caps is dangerous, infantile and ultimately disparaging to the basic fundamentals of the human race. These conclusions become clearer as we weigh the consequences of bottle cap-flicking.
1. The bottle cap's final resting place is one of two places; inside the couch or under the couch. Regular people throw away their bottle caps in the garbage. The bottle cap wants to go into the garbage with the rest of the bottle caps from those fabled regular people.
2. The bottle cap can chip objects. It is made of metal and has sharp edges, which tear through clothing, drywall, glass, wood, tribal masks, lampshades and plasma screens.
3. The bottle cap can hurt people. It is made of metal and has sharp edges, which tear through skin, hair, eyeballs, mouths and tongues. God forbid the bottle cap might land perpendicular against the ear of a houseguest and blow his or her eardrum out.
4. The bottle cap spreads germs. The transients and other nefarious types flicking these bottle caps certainly are not of the breed that washes their hands after using the bathroom. But still I sit, on my hands and knees, picking up their filthy caps.
Be a friend. Don't flick those fucking bottle caps.
The flicking of bottle caps may seem some sort of meaningful skill or acquired communication tool within certain circles. Others may believe it is an amusing way to pass the time while drinking or a means to solidify a healthy bromance.
Flicking bottle caps is none of these things. The flicking of bottle caps is dangerous, infantile and ultimately disparaging to the basic fundamentals of the human race. These conclusions become clearer as we weigh the consequences of bottle cap-flicking.
1. The bottle cap's final resting place is one of two places; inside the couch or under the couch. Regular people throw away their bottle caps in the garbage. The bottle cap wants to go into the garbage with the rest of the bottle caps from those fabled regular people.
2. The bottle cap can chip objects. It is made of metal and has sharp edges, which tear through clothing, drywall, glass, wood, tribal masks, lampshades and plasma screens.
3. The bottle cap can hurt people. It is made of metal and has sharp edges, which tear through skin, hair, eyeballs, mouths and tongues. God forbid the bottle cap might land perpendicular against the ear of a houseguest and blow his or her eardrum out.
4. The bottle cap spreads germs. The transients and other nefarious types flicking these bottle caps certainly are not of the breed that washes their hands after using the bathroom. But still I sit, on my hands and knees, picking up their filthy caps.
Be a friend. Don't flick those fucking bottle caps.
Up next: 2013 State of the Stoner Address 
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- What a pussy.... Where i live not only is bottle cap flicking mandatory, throwing the bottle when you are done randomly at objects, or other people is not only tolerated, but encouraged..... Full scale target practice at our children is a tradition at cookouts. Makes you aware of your surroundings improves peripheral vision and quickens the reflexes, and if not quick enough toughens everyone up. Luckily we have a bunch of EMT's boozing it up with us to stitch up the slow and drunk...
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