WEED WARS Episode IV: A New Dope
Weed Wars IV: Part 13
The dune-runner was parked outside Oily-One's house. They'd been there for a little while and were talking about Fluke's father.
"No, my father didn't fight in any war." said Fluke, as if Wren were crazy to even mention it. "He was a navigator on a pot transporter."
"That is the story your uncle told you, Fluke." said Wren. "He didn't believe in what your father was doing. He thought he should have stayed right the fuck here, and not gotten involved at all."
"You actually fought in the war of the clones?" asked Fluke.
"Oh yes, I was once a Red-eye Knight, just like your old man." replied Oily-One. "He was the best pilot in the galaxy, and a totally mind blowing fucking warrior as well. I hear you are quite the kick ass pilot yourself."
This got a sheepish grin from Fluke.
"Oily was a good friend. That reminds me of something." Wren continued, as he walked over and opened a small chest. "I have something for you. Your father wanted you to have it, when you were old enough to use it without cutting your balls off, but your uncle said no fucking way. He thought you might follow old crazy Oily-One on some adventure like your father before you.
He dug in the chest for a moment, and pulled out a small cylinder made of some kind of metal. He brought it over to Fluke to examine.
"What the fuck is it?" Fluke asked.
"It was your father's bright sabre, the weapon of a true Red-eye." Oily-One responded. "It's got more control than a laser blaster. It's a more elegant weapon, from a much more civilized time."
Fluke held it up and looked at it. He pressed a little switch on the side, and a long beam of bright light shot out and formed a plasma sword. The tip of which, stopped about an inch away from Oily-One's crotch.
"Hey, try not to cut off my balls either." said Oily-One as he sat down out of the way of Fluke's swinging. "The Red-eye guarded peace and justice in the galaxy for thousands of years. They solved disputes, and they prevented the drunks from ever getting out of hand, back before the shitty times started. Way back before the Hempfire."
Fluke turned off his sabre and sat down next to Oily-One.
"How did my father kick the bucket?"
"A young Red-eye named Drunk Raider, helped the hempfirer hunt down the remaining Red-eye like fucking dogs, and kill them. He was a student of mine before he became an evil fuck. He betrayed and killed your father, and now the Red-eye are basically extinct. Raider was seduced by the drunk side of the Buzz."
"The Buzz?" inquired Fluke.
"The Buzz," explained Oily-One. "is where a Red-eye's power comes from. It is a field created and used by all creatures. It surrounds us and binds the galaxy together. It is a powerful force indeed."
Weed Wars IV: Part 14
ArDoob was getting impatient. He let out a flurry of beeps, whistles and electronic noises. Oily-One looked over in ArDoob's direction and got up to go see him.
"Well, let's see what the fuck this little runt's deal is." said Oily-One as he patted ArDoob's dome head, and a projector light on his body turned on.
"He keeps freaking about some message..." Fluke started saying.
"It looks like I found it." Oily-One said, as the figure of a beautiful woman in white materialized on the table in front of them. She started to speak.
"General Cangrowy. Way back in the day, you served my father in the war of the clones. Unfortunately, he must ask for your help again, in his struggle against the Hempfire. I'm sorry I can't be there myself, but my ship is under attack and my mission to bring you to AlderBong has failed. This ArDoob unit has information in his memory that can ensure the rebellion's survival. My father will know how to retrieve this information. You must deliver it to him on AlderBong. This is our most fucked up hour. Help me Oily-One Cangrowy, you're my last hope." The image then faded to nothingness.
Oily-One leaned back in his chair, silent and thoughtful. He then looked over at Fluke with a slight sparkle in his eye.
"You have got to learn the ways of the Buzz, if you're going to accompany me to AlderBong."
"AlderBong!" exclaimed Fluke. "I can't go there. I've got shit to do and I'm already fucking late as it is."
"But I need your help, Fluke." said Oily-One, almost pleading with him. "She needs your help. I'm way too old for this shit." He exchanged conflicted glances with Fluke.
"But I can't get fucking involved. I've got work to do." said Fluke. "I mean, I hate the fucking Hempfire and all, but there's nothing I can do about the shit right now. And it's so far away too."
"That's your uncle's way of thinking, not necessarily yours." Oily-One shot back.
"My uncle." Fluke said. "How the fuck am I going to explain this to him?"
"Learn about the Buzz, Fluke." prompted Oily-One.
Fluke paced back and forth, obviously distressed.
"I'll give you a ride to the next town, but I can't do any more than that." Fluke replied back.
Oily-One spoke back in a calm, easy voice. "You must, of course, do what you think is right."
Weed Wars IV: Part 15
Drunk Raider's ship, which had earlier captured the princess, was approaching a huge object. It was about the size of a small moon, only this moon was made of iron girders and steel plating. It was the largest construction project ever taken on by the Hempfire, the biggest and most powerful space station ever built. This was the Drunk Star.
Inside the enormous space station, there was a meeting already in progress inside the large conference room. All of the top officers were gathered together around a rather large conference table. Two of them were arguing very passionately.
"Until this station is 100% operational, we are vulnerable to attack from these fucking rebel scum. The Highliance is quite well equipped, and way more dangerous than you think." said one officer.
"They're only dangerous to your space fleet, but certainly not to this station, commander." responded the other officer.
"They still have some power." the commander shot back. "They're still building fucking support in the senate and ..." His voice trailed off as he got cut off by Raider entering the room.
"The senate is no longer a problem to us." said Grand Lush Tankin, the current commander in chief directly below Raider. "We've just gotten a communication that the Hempfirer has dissolved the senate permanently, and forever."
"Isn't permanently, and forever basically the same thing?" asked one of the men.
"Shut the fuck up!" screamed Tankin. "I shouldn't have had that extra martini at lunch. Anyhow, back to business. In the absence of a bureaucracy, each regional governor now controls his territory directly."
"But how will you control the people and keep them in line?" asked the officer who had been arguing earlier.
"Fear!" replied Tankin. "Absolute fucking fear of this battle station."
"And what about the rebel Highliance?" asked the commander. "If those little fucks got their grubby hands on the full plans for this station, there's a small chance that they could find a weakness."
"The plans you speak of will soon be back in our hands." Raider said confidently.
"Any attack those losers made on this station would be stupid and useless." the other officer said. "This station is now the ultimate fucking power in the universe."
"Don't be too proud of this amazing beast you've constructed here." said Raider to the officer. "The power to destroy a planet is FUCK ALL, compared to the power of the Buzz!"
"Don't try to scare the shit out of us with your magic tricks and ancient religions." retorted the officer. "Your 'power' hasn't helped you materialize those stolen plans."
As the man talked, Raider took a step towards him and slowly raised his hand in the air.
"And it hasn't given you the ability to find their hidden bas..."
The man's voice trailed off as he started to choke slightly. Raider squeezed his fingers together just a tiny bit, and the man began to choke more violently and struggle harder.
"Your lack of faith kinda pisses me off a little." Raider said.
"That's enough, children!" Tankin exclaimed. "Let him go, Raider."
"Sure, whatever you say." Raider said as he started to open his fingers and his victim started to breathe a little bit. Then he clamped them closed again as the officer started choking even worse. He did this again, and then finally let him go. The man fell forward onto the table and started gasping for air.
"This childish arguing is getting us nowhere." said Tankin. "Lord Raider will get us the location of the Highliance's hidden base by the time this station is fully functional. Then we'll fucking destroy those rebel fucks in one crushing blow."
Weed Wars IV: Part 16
Fluke, Oily-One, and the two robots were looking through the wreckage of a JayPuff transport vehicle. It was completely destroyed and not one JayPuff was left alive.
"It looks like dune dudes." said Fluke to Oily-One. "Look at the fighting staffs and Beertha tracks. I've never heard of them having the fucking balls to hit something so large."
"That's because they didn't." replied Oily-One. "But it was made to look like them. These tracks are all over, while dune dudes ride behind each other to hide their numbers. And these laser blasts are way too accurate for their wild nature."
"These look like the guys who sold us Grow and ArDoob." said Fluke.
"Only Hempfirial Slur-troopers are trained to be such good shots." Oily-One continued.
"Why the fuck would Slur-troopers want to off a bunch of JayPuffs?" asked Fluke. Then he froze for a second, and took a long look at the two robots in the distance.
"If they traced the robots here," reasoned Fluke. "then that would lead the fucking pricks... HOME!" called out Fluke as he ran towards the dune runner.
"Fluke! It's too fucking dangerous!" called out Oily-One as Fluke sped off in a cloud of dust.
"Holy Fuckstorm!" said Fluke to himself as he saw the smoke rising from the farm. He pulled up closer and got out of the vehicle.
"Uncle Growin?!" Fluke called out as he searched around. "Aunt Budoo!"
Fluke looked around until he came up to the house. There he saw a sight that made his heart sink lower than a drunk in a hole. By the entrance, were two smoking skeletons. It was the remains of Fluke's last known relatives. He just stood there, motionless, contemplating his next move.
Meanwhile, back on the Drunk Star, the princess sat in her uncomfortable cell. The door opened and there stood Raider and two guards. He walked up to her as the guards flanked the doorway.
"And now, princess, it's time for us to have a serious discussion." said Raider. "About this little secret, hidden base of yours."
"Isn't secret and hidden basically the same thing in this case?" asked the princess.
"Shut the fuck up!" boomed Raider. "I guess I shouldn't have had that extra shot of Jack."
With that, Raider stepped to the side to make room for the torture robot. It floated in with several torture tools extended. Then it turned toward the princess and started to float toward her. It had a large needle pointed at her, probably filled with some sort of painful, truth drug. As it came closer, all the princess could think was, THIS IS GOING TO FUCKING SUCK!
Weed Wars IV: Part 17
Fluke arrived back at the destroyed transport. His mind was still reeling from the recent events and loss of his family. As he got out of the dune runner and walked toward the others, he noticed the scene around him.
The transport wreckage was still very messy, yet somehow, less crowded looking. The last of the JayPuff bodies was being brought over to a huge bonfire by C3P Grow, where he proceeded to throw it into the flames. Fluke kept walking until he stopped in front of Oily-One.
"Those fucking fuckers, fucking fried my family!" screamed Fluke. "Fuck them! I'm going to fuck those fuckers up for the fucking rest of my fucking life, until there's fucking freedom for all in the fucking galaxy!"
"Try to calm down, Fluke. This might help." Oily-One said as he passed Fluke a joint the size of a huge cigar. "There's nothing you could have done if you were there. They just would have killed you too. And the robots would be in Raider's hands, along with the rebel Highliance's only chance for survival. Quit hogging the herb."
"I want to go to AlderBong with you." Fluke said as he passed the half smoked spliff back to Oily-One. "There's fuck all for me here now. I want to learn about the Buzz, and become a Red-eye Knight like my father."
Oily-One nodded in agreement as they got back in the dune runner to start their new adventure.
Weed Wars IV: Part 18
Fluke and Oily-One were standing with the robots on the edge of a cliff. They were overlooking a huge city with ships flying in and out of it. Oily-One was preparing Fluke for some of the sights and sounds he might see in the city, as it was his first time in one so large.
"Buds Highly Spaceport." Said Oily-One in a cautious tone. "You will never find a nastier city with more evil and perversion than this. We'd better be fucking careful."
They got in the dune runner and headed into town. As they got into town, they saw the streets bustling with activity. There were citizens and robots alike, all over the place, going about their daily business. There were Slur-troopers guiding traffic and one of them motioned for Fluke to pull over.
"How long have you owned these robots?" asked the trooper.
"About three or four years, I guess." said Fluke.
"They're for sale if you want them." chimed in Oily-One. "I'll give you an awesome fucking deal."
"Let me see your identity papers." asked the Slur-trooper.
"That's not necessary." said Oily-One in a calm voice as he almost imperceptibly waved his hand slightly. "These aren't the robots you want."
"It's not necessary to see his papers." the trooper repeated. "These aren't the robots we're looking for."
"He is free to go." said Oily-One with the calm voice and slight gesture again. "He may move along."
"You can go." said the trooper. "Move along."
Fluke hit the gas and got out of there before the guard could change his mind. They drove until they came to a parking lot near a bar, where they parked. As Fluke got out of the vehicle, he looked very confused.
"I don't know how we got past those fucking guards." said Fluke. "I thought we were fucked for sure."
"The Buzz," said Oily-One "can have a huge influence on the stupid or weak minded."
Fluke nodded his head. He looked at the outside of the cantina by their parking spot. It wasn't much to look at.
"Do you really think we'll find a pilot here?"
"This is where most of the best freighter pilots in the area hang out. Just be very careful. This place can get really rough."
Weed Wars IV: Part 19
The cantina was much larger than it had looked on the outside, and it was filled with some of the scariest and nastiest beings around. There were furry ones and scaly ones, and every combination in between. There were large creatures and small ones. All of them having drinks and looking for jobs. These were the shadiest pilots in the galaxy.
While Fluke stood at the door for a few, Oily-One made his way in to mingle among the pilots. He approached a huge, hairy one and started to talk to him. Fluke made his way into the bar, but was soon stopped by a voice.
"Hey buddy!" the bartender called "Hey, we don't serve fucking robots here, they'll have to leave."
"No problem!" Fluke called back as he turned toward the robots. "You guys can wait outside. We don't want to start any shit."
"You won't get any fucking arguments here, master." said C3P Grow as he headed out the door with ArDoob.
Fluke took a look around and made his way up to the bar. He saw an open space and made his way over to it. He got the bartender's attention and ordered a drink. The guy behind the counter passed Fluke his drink and took the money without saying a word. Fluke took another look around and realized, now that his eyes had adjusted to the light, that some of these aliens were very creepy and severely fucked up looking individuals. He turned back to the bar and tried to mind his own business while Oily-One continued to speak to the huge ape-looking creature.
A big, ugly creature came up to Fluke and pushed him. Then he freaked out in some fucked up language that Fluke didn't understand. Fluke just turned back to the bar and ignored it. Soon after, another being, even uglier than the other one, tapped Fluke's shoulder to get his attention.
"He doesn't fuckin' like you." the guy said to Fluke.
"Well fuck," replied Fluke. "I'm fucking sorry."
"I don't fucking like you either, loser." the guy said back. "You just watch out, we're wanted in twelve systems."
"I'll be sure to watch myself then." said Fluke as calmly as possible.
"You'll be sure to fuckin' die!" the guy said back angrily.
"It isn't worth your time or effort." said Oily-One as he came up behind Fluke. "Let me buy you a drink."
The guy pushed Fluke across the bar in order to get a clear shot at the old man. This gesture had caused the whole establishment to stop and look at the scene. As Fluke flew across the room, Oily-One was already igniting his bright sabre. The man's friend pulled out a laser blaster and pointed it at Oily-One. In just one swift blow, Oily-One had neutralized the one guy while simultaneously cutting the arm off of the guy with the gun. He looked around for other threats, and then put the sabre away when he was satisfied. Almost immediately, the cantina sprung to life. The music started and the patrons went back to what they were doing before. Oily-One went to pick Fluke off the floor.
"I'm OK." said Fluke as his friend helped him up.
"CheWeeda," said Oily-One, gesturing at the big, hairy ape behind him. "Is co-pilot on a ship that could be just what we're looking for."
Meanwhile, outside, the robots were waiting by the dune runner. Just down the road, were a couple of Slur-troopers checking people out. They were getting closer to the robots and questioning people along the way. C3P Grow looked at ArDoob and spoke.
"I really don't like the fucking look of this!"
Weed Wars IV: Part 20
"Hash Toko." the man said as he sat down next to CheWeeda, across from Fluke and Oily-One. "I'm the captain of the Milheadian Friedman. CheWeeda here tells me you need safe passage to AlderBong."
"That's right." said Oily-One. "If it's a fucking fast ship. Time is a factor."
"You've never heard of the Milheadian Friedman?" Hash asked in disbelief.
"Why the fuck would I?" Oily-One asked back.
"I can outrun Hempfirial Starships." boasted Hash. "It's way fucking fast enough to get you where you need to go. What am I transporting?"
"Just the boy, the robots and myself." said Oily-One. "And no fucking questions."
"Got some problems around here, do you?" asked Hash.
"Let's just say that we don't want to deal with anything of the Hempfirial variety." said Oily-One.
"Well," started Hash. "that's going to cost a bit more. Ten thousand, and I want it all in advance."
"Are you fucking damaged?" cried Fluke. "I can almost buy my own ship for prices like that."
"And who the fuck is going to fly it? Don't tell me you think that you.." Hash's voice trailed off
"Fuckin' A! I'm a pretty decent fucking pilot." Fluke exclaimed. "We don't have to listen to this bullshit."
Fluke got up to leave, and went to grab Oily-One. Oily-One just stayed seated and motioned for Fluke to calm down and take his seat.
"We can give you two thousand now. And I'll set you up with fifteen grand when we get to AlderBong." said Oily-One calmly.
"Seventeen huh?" asked Hash, as Oily-One nodded his response. "Well, for that price, you got yourself some fuckin' transportation. We can leave whenever you're ready. I'm in docking station 420."
"420, got you." Said Oily-One.
"You guys should probably fuck off for now." said Hash. "It looks like somebody's asking about your funky sword dance."
At the bar were a couple of Slur-troopers asking questions. The bartender was talking to them and pointing right in Hash's direction. The troopers walked right up to Hash's table and, not seeing what they were looking for, continued on their way.
"Seventeen thousand!" Hash said to CheWeeda. "This is going to totally save my fucking ass. Get to the ship and make sure it's ready to fly. CheWeeda left as Hash started to get up.
"You're going to have to sell your dune runner." Oily-One said to Fluke as they hurried down the street.
"That's no skin off of my balls" said Fluke as Grow looked on confusedly. "I'm never coming back to this fucking shithole."
Weed Wars IV: Part 21
As Hash started walking out of the cantina, he was stopped by a bounty hunter. He was a smallish guy with a big blaster. He was green in color and a mean mother-fucker as well. He cut off Hash and put a laser blaster in his face.
"Going somewhere Toko?" He said as he walked Hash backwards into an empty booth.
"Actually, Weedo, I was just going to see your fucking boss. Tell Jointa that I have his money." said Hash.
"It's too late for that fuckhead." said Weedo. "You should have paid Jointa when you could have, because now he's got a price on your head so fucking large, I'd have to be a fucking moron not to try and collect it. I'm fucking glad I found you first."
"Yeah, except I've actually got the money this time." Said Hash.
"Well, you give me the money," said Weedo, "and I'll forget that I saw your ugly mug."
"It's not fucking on me." said Hash "Tell Jointa.."
"Jointa's finished with your bullshit." said Weedo as Hash's hand slowly unbuttoned his gun holster. "He doesn't deal with useless smugglers who drop their shipment as soon as they see a Hempfirial cruiser."
"Listen up, fucknut!" exclaimed Hash. "Even the great Hash Toko gets boarded on occasion. What fucking choice do you think I had?"
"Tell it to Jointa." Weedo replied. "Maybe he'll just take that hunk of shit you call a ship."
"Over my dead fucking corpse." Hash said calmly.
"That's the fucking plan." said Weedo. "I've been waiting for fucking ever, to do this."
"I'm fucking sure you have." said Hash as Weedo started to raise his weapon. Just as Weedo squeezed the trigger, Hash moved to the side to avoid the shot. He then quickly put two laser holes through the bounty hunter. Several patrons looked up to see what happened, and then went back to drinking like it was a regular occurrence, which it was around here.
Hash calmly rose to his feet and holstered his weapon. He walked up to the bartender.
"Sorry about the mess." said Hash. He threw the drink slinger some money and walked out like nothing had happened.
Weed Wars IV: Part 22
"I can't fucking believe how resistant she is to the mind probe." said Raider to Grand Lush Tankin. "It's going to take a fuckload of time before we can get any useful information out of the princess."
"We've completed the final system check." a guard reported to Raider. "Everything checks out and all systems are go. What course do you want us on?"
"Maybe there's a different method we could use to get her lips to loosen." said Tankin to Raider.
"What exactly are you saying?" Raider asked.
"It's time for us to see what the fuck this station can really do." Said Tankin. "Set your course for AlderBong."
Back on HydroWeed, C3P Grow and ArDoob were busy trying to hide.
"Quickly, close the fucking door and lock it." Grow said as ArDoob closed the door. A couple of Slur-troopers were checking door to door for the robots. One of them checked the door that the robots were hiding behind.
"It won't fucking budge, it's locked." the trooper said. "Move on to the next one"
The troopers continued on their way. Soon after, the door opened and C3P Grow took a look around to make sure it was safe.
"I sure wish I could've gone with master Fluke, instead of being fucking stuck here with you." Said Grow. "I don't know what all the fucking commotion is about around here, but I'll bet it's your fucking fault."
ArDoob let out a bunch of nasty sounds.
"You watch what you say to me, you fucking foul mouthed bitch." C3P Grow said disgustedly as he closed the door and continued hiding.
"Yeah, I guess that's good enough." said Fluke to an alien as he took the money for the dune runner. "Nobody fucking wants these since the new models came out!"
"That's fine," said Oily-One. "It's enough, we'll be fine."
As they walked down the street, they unknowingly picked up a tail. There was a creature, with a long nose and glasses, following them. And he looked like he was up to no good.
Weed Wars IV: Part 23
In docking station 420, there was more trouble brewing. Outside of Hash Toko's ship, were several men and a huge slug-like creature of massive proportions. This was Jointa the Budd, the most vile and feared criminal on all of HydroWeed. He was looking up at the Milheadian Friedman and calling out.
"Toko! Toko, come out of there right fucking now!" Jointa was saying rather angrily.
"I'm right fuckin' here Jointa." said Toko as he appeared behind the beast. "I've been waiting for you."
"Yeah, sure you were." said Jointa as he let out a small laugh.
"You didn't think I was going to fuck off, Did you?" asked Hash.
"Listen Hash, you've really fucking disappointed me." Jointa said in an unusually calm voice. "Why haven't you paid me yet, and why the fuck did you kill Weedo?"
"Listen, slug boy," Hash said to Jointa. "If you've got something to tell me, you come tell me. Don't send one of these pathetic, fucking message boys of yours."
"Listen, Hash, I can't make any exceptions." said Jointa. "What kind of businessman would I be if I let everyone dump their cargo as soon as they see a Hempfirial cruiser. That would be a terrible fucking business practice."
"Listen Jointa," said Hash. "Even I get boarded once in a blue fucking moon. What fucking choice do you think I had? But, look here. I've got an easy fucking charter set up. I'll give you the money, plus a little extra for the trouble. I just need a bit more time, that's all."
"Hash, you are the fucking best." Jointa said "So for twenty percent more..."
"Don't fucking push it, Jointa." said Hash. "I'll give you fifteen."
"Fine then, fifteen percent then" Jointa said back. "And if you don't pay me, I'll put a price on your head so big, that you won't be able to go anywhere without being hunted down and shot at."
"Jointa." Hash said. "You're a great guy. I don't know why you've got such a shitty name."
With that, Hash entered his ship to wait for his payday, while Jointa grabbed his associates and left.
Weed Wars IV: Part 24
"If his fucking ship is even close to what he's bragging it up to be, we should do really well." said Oily-One as he made his way down the street with Fluke and the robots. They were just coming up to docking station 420. As they went inside, the creature that had been following them made a call to somebody. They had been discovered.
"What a royal piece of fucking shit!" exclaimed Fluke as he saw the Milheadian Friedman for the first time.
"Hey now!" exclaimed Hash right back. "This fucker is fucking fast. Granted, the outside is slightly ratty looking."
"Slightly?" asked Fluke sarcastically.
"SLIGHTLY!" snapped back Hash. "The Friedman has it where it counts. I've made several, special modifications of my own. It's not about looks. It's about performance."
"Is that what you tell the ladies?" inquired Fluke.
"Just shut the fuck up and get on board." Hash said. "We are a little pressed for fucking time here."
Fluke and the others, boarded the ship while Hash did a last minute check of the outside. CheWeeda was just settling into the cockpit when he heard some noise.
"Stop them!" commanded a Slur-trooper, from out of nowhere. "Don't let those fuckers take off!"
Hash heard the voices and instinctually went for his laser blaster. He whipped around and started firing into the maelstrom of laser blasts already coming his way. He managed to take out a trooper as he ran for the ship's entrance. CheWeeda fired a couple of blasts from the Friedman and knocked some chunks out of the wall above the Slur-troopers, sending them running for cover. Hash was barely in the ship before he was screaming out to CheWeeda.
"Holy fuck! Get us the fuck out of here buddy!"
The troopers continued to fire at the ship, but they were too late. The Milheadian Friedman shot up in the air and took off at high speed.
As they broke orbit, CheWeeda started to growl and roar.
"Yeah, I see it." said Hash to his co-pilot. "It looks like a Hempfirial cruiser. I guess these passengers are a little more high profile than I thought. Try to hold them off while I get ready for a hyper jump."
Hash got up and started making some quick calculations on the computer behind him, while CheWeeda flew the Friedman. As he was getting back in the pilot's seat, Hash noticed something on the radar screen.
"Holy fuck, there's two more cruisers." said Hash. "Watch out, they're going to try to cut us off.
I thought this ship was fucking fast!" exclaimed Fluke, as he and Oily-One made their way up to the cockpit from the back. "Why don't you fucking outrun them?"
"Why don't you shut the fuck up, or you'll be getting out to walk right fucking now!" said Hash. "We'll be A-Fucking-OK when we make the hyper jump, don't you fucking worry. Besides, I do fucking fly for a living. I can lose these shit balls."
"How much longer to make the hyper jump?" asked Oily-One.
"It should only be a few more moments for the computer to work it out." replied Hash.
"Are you fucking mental?!" asked Fluke. "They're fucking gaining on us right now!"
"Listen boy!" said Hash. "Hyper jumps are complicated and need to be worked out properly. It'll sure fuck up all of our plans if we jumped right into a fucking star or black hole now, wouldn't it?"
"Why the fuck did that light start flashing?" asked Fluke. "If that's the fucking service engine light, I'm gonna smack you."
"It's not the fucking service engine light." said Hash. "It means our shield is almost fucking toast. Strap in, were ready for the hyper jump."
The Milheadian Friedman shot away into nothingness, leaving the cruisers behind. They were safe, for now.
WEED WARS Episode IV: A New Dope