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Published August 04, 2008

I don't consider myself any sort of masochist, that was until I willingly sat through the entire trailer for Friedberg and Seltzers new steamy pile "Disaster Movie" (suitably named). I have never subjected myself to any of their travesties (besides 1/4 of "Meet the Spartans", which held the same entertainment value of being stuck in the center of a bukkake-fest), because they fail on their main marketing point: the trailer. It's the same with every one; an uninspired montage of vague pop-culture references, mingled in with some recycled cliches and ending in a result so insubstantial and disappointing, it's like living a day in the life of Michael Richards.

 

It's only become worse with this lastest shit-pile. The jokes are no longer spoofs, now replaced with inane, out-of-place one-liners derived of any rational structure to what little plot they've managed to substantiate. I've seen porn with more sensibility. The only difference is instead of watching people get fucked, you're getting fucked. Fucked by the iron fist of cinematic massacre. Watching Iron Man get crushed by a cow is not funny to me. Even if I had the intellectual property of a signpost (which I've come to believe makes up their entire writing team), I don't think I could appreciate these "jokes". They're absolutely fucking pointless, there's no more reason to watch this against watching a man squat on bricks until his rectum turns to pudding (besides the anal-bricking holding a slight bit more production value).

 

Basically what I'm trying to sum this up to, is if you had planned to see this movie, don't. Send me the ten dollars and thank yourself later that I didn't use it to watch this movie.

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