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August 28, 2008


I visited someone in prison the other day.

If any of you have not had the pleasure, you obviously don't just walk up and knock on the door. There are procedures, checkpoints, lines, searches, etc. It's a bit like airport security, except it doesn't take quite as long and it's not as thorough ( I guess no one really wants to blow up a prison).

At one point you hand off your I.D., and you are asked a few questions. One of the questions they ask is this:

Do you have any narcotics or weapons on you?

They actually ask that question!!!!!

Here is how I would like to respond:

Why yes, I have a quarter pound of methamphetamines taped to my thigh, and a .38 revolver in my jacket. Is that not okay?

No, but I do have a condom full of cocaine in my anus, which is not technically on me, that I plan to pull out in the visiting room.

Yes, but can I just do it all right now before I go in?

How would you respond to this question?