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January 11, 2012

Not sure if you're a douchebag? Check this list to find out


Are You A Douchebag?

                No one wants to be a douchebag. No one really even knows what a douchebag is, but you know one when you see one. Because there is often confusion over what constitutes being a douchebag, I have made a simple guide to help you determine who is a douchebag and if you’re one.

You might be a douchebag if…..

-You consider the word “Swag” a complete sentence.

-You take pictures of a mirror reflecting your horrifying shirtless image and upload it on Facebook for the world to see.

-You own a Segway

-You’ve thought about owning a Segway

-Despite the Charlie Sheen fad dying out several months ago, you still frequently and unnecessarily use the word winning.

-You think combining names of celebrities who are in relationships is clever.

-You have non-ironically called a friend Broseph Stalin.

-You have ironically called a friend Broseph Stalin.

-You have unintentionally introduced your neighbors to dubstep at three in the morning

-You are so orange that children frequently mistake you for a sentient carrot.

-You wear shirts that are so tight that you have to have a surgeon remove them.

-You wear your sunglasses at night.

-You have given yourself a nickname that ends in Dawg, Woww or Bomb.

-You celebrate Arbor Day by growing marijuana.

-Doctors have advised you to stop wearing so much hair gel because it is damaging your neck

-You spell you without the o.

-You would rather hold a weight than hold your child.

-You graduated five years ago but continue to brag about your high school athletic accomplishments

-You consider Maxim the epitome of great literature.

-You post passive-aggressive Facebook statuses about “Kicking a bro’s ass.”

-You have punted a five year old child into a busy street for “cockblocking” you in front of the child’s mother

-You’re a year out of college and you play acoustic guitar and sing in front of high schools to woo the girls that go to them.

-You don’t believe there’s such a thing as wearing too much AXE body spray. There is.

-You have spent your entire collegiate career trying to out-talk your professors.

-You have dunked on small children….and then dunked on them again.

-You don’t know who Joe Biden is but you do know who The Situation is.

-If you take the “Pokemon Approach” to the opposite sex. You don’t have to catch them all.