Are You A Douchebag?
No one wants to be a douchebag. No one really even knows what a douchebag is, but you know one when you see one. Because there is often confusion over what constitutes being a douchebag, I have made a simple guide to help you determine who is a douchebag and if you’re one.
You might be a douchebag if…..
-You consider the word “Swag” a complete sentence.
-You take pictures of a mirror reflecting your horrifying shirtless image and upload it on Facebook for the world to see.
-You own a Segway
-You’ve thought about owning a Segway
-Despite the Charlie Sheen fad dying out several months ago, you still frequently and unnecessarily use the word winning.
-You think combining names of celebrities who are in relationships is clever.
-You have non-ironically called a friend Broseph Stalin.
-You have ironically called a friend Broseph Stalin.
-You have unintentionally introduced your neighbors to dubstep at three in the morning
-You are so orange that children frequently mistake you for a sentient carrot.
-You wear shirts that are so tight that you have to have a surgeon remove them.
-You wear your sunglasses at night.
-You have given yourself a nickname that ends in Dawg, Woww or Bomb.
-You celebrate Arbor Day by growing marijuana.
-Doctors have advised you to stop wearing so much hair gel because it is damaging your neck
-You spell you without the o.
-You would rather hold a weight than hold your child.
-You graduated five years ago but continue to brag about your high school athletic accomplishments
-You consider Maxim the epitome of great literature.
-You post passive-aggressive Facebook statuses about “Kicking a bro’s ass.”
-You have punted a five year old child into a busy street for “cockblocking” you in front of the child’s mother
-You’re a year out of college and you play acoustic guitar and sing in front of high schools to woo the girls that go to them.
-You don’t believe there’s such a thing as wearing too much AXE body spray. There is.
-You have spent your entire collegiate career trying to out-talk your professors.
-You have dunked on small children….and then dunked on them again.
-You don’t know who Joe Biden is but you do know who The Situation is.
-If you take the “Pokemon Approach” to the opposite sex. You don’t have to catch them all.