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May 30, 2010
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I've been struggling a lot these past several weeks and I am sure it shows regarding my inability to come up with anything funny to say these days.  I've been on a roller coster of emotions regarding my present life situation (Rock Bottom) but I have to say that I got two really great writing pieces from that roller coaster ride so I guess it wasn't in vain.  And truth be told, I should be listening to the advice I gave in those two pieces as it was more than likely my higher self coming through, If not I AM, himself.

Like most writers, I guess I need to look at life's heartaches and disappointments as material for  stories just as I look at the  funny, embarrassing and downright strange moments as material for stories.

I think I really need a new writing project and I've got two ideas that have come to me, but they haven't fully developed yet and for all I know there is a reason for that.  

I went to the local bookstore today and purchased a bevy of novels and memoirs that deal in one way or another with where life has me this very day and that is at a cross roads.  I have a major decision coming up.  Do I sell my stock and relocate to the area of the country I want to be in and scrape my way until I find a decent job there or Do I stay around here and find a job in the realm of what I want to be doing for a day job and just save money for the next few years and then relocate with a cushion?  

A lot of people would say the above question is a no brainer, but those people aren't in my shoes.  Those people don't know what the mere thought of staying in the mid-south for another few years does to me...As in the fact that I'd rather willingly walk myself off a plank into shark infested waters with a weight tied to me.

I think the problem is that I feel like it is now or never...I don't know that it is, but that is how I feel and since I am a wee bit psychic and very sensitive to energy I am apt to believe that I feel this way for a reason.  My whole life has been one tragedy after another and to be honest, I have been that tragedy intermittently for the past fifteen years. This is the first time that I can really do something.  I'm free to go.  There is no impending sickness or death, I am clean and sober and emotionally stable and physically healthy...I have nothing holding me back except the whole money part of the scenario which is an important one.

Maybe a part of me is afraid that if I don't go now, something else will happen and I'll end up stuck here forever.  I talk about Memphis and the mid-south like it is the most horrible place in the world and it is not at all that way, but its definitely not where I want to be now, nor where I want to grow old.  Like I said earlier, I have a really big decision to make and it will either be the best decision of my life or the biggest mistake of my life and I don't have a soul to fall back on if I fail. 

Just thought I'd share that...My apologies if it is too serious for you as it is just where I find myself  in the current moment  :)  Love, Light & Laughter.  Word!
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