Deciding To Go Run
Me: I think I’ll go run today
Body: Yea…fuck that. Do you have some more pizza in the fridge? I like pizza from the fridge. Does the fridge have pizza?
After A Run
Me: That was a good run.
Body: Great run! Let’s eat a bagel
Me: Bread isn’t a healthy meal after—
Me: Ok…just one…
Body: THANK YOU! HERE’S A TEN POUND GAIN IN RETURN
When You Lift Weights
Me: Pumping iron felt great!
Body: OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME…
Me: Well, we just did a few sets of bench press-
Body: NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! I’M SORE FOR A WEEK
Me: But we have to come back tomorr-
Body: NOPE! You did bench press but I’m making your entire body sore. Goodnight!
12AM At Night
*12am at night*
Body: Let’s go buy a bag of chips from the gas station
Me: But I’ve got apples and oranges in the-
Body: OOH! And a snickers bar too.
Me: We’ve got healthy alternatives in the kitchen.
Body: ….I’m gonna go start up the car.
Taking A Day Off
Me: I’m so tired…let’s take a day off of working out
Body: WOOT! Sounds great!
*Gain five pounds in one day*
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!!?
Body: *sobbing* I don’t know! I don’t know! Oh gah…it was all SO FAST!
Seeing a Skinny Person in Public
Body: Oh my gah they look so good…why can’t we be like that?
Me: *look of exasperated annoyance, anger, & possible murder in eyes*
Body: What? What! You’re the one in control here…
Getting on The Scale
Me: Alright we lost six pounds this week!
Body: SWEET! Let’s go celebrate at Chipotle!
Me: That’s not a good idea.
Body: I want a burrito with extra meat, cream cheese…and can they just bake some butter into the bread?
Me: We’re not going to Chipotle!
Body: But we did SO GOOD this week.
Me: Ok…but just this once.
*Ten pound weight gain later*
Me: I hate you so much.
Body: BUT IT TASTES SO GOOD!