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October 31, 2014
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You're seldom going to see eye to eye.

Deciding To Go Run

Me: I think I’ll go run today

Body: Yea…fuck that. Do you have some more pizza in the fridge? I like pizza from the fridge. Does the fridge have pizza?

After A Run

Me: That was a good run.

Body: Great run! Let’s eat a bagel

Me: Bread isn’t a healthy meal after—

Body: BAGEL!!!!

Me: Ok…just one…

Body: THANK YOU! HERE’S A TEN POUND GAIN IN RETURN

When You Lift Weights

Me: Pumping iron felt great!

Body: OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME…

Me: Well, we just did a few sets of bench press-

Body: NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! I’M SORE FOR A WEEK

Me: But we have to come back tomorr-

Body: NOPE! You did bench press but I’m making your entire body sore. Goodnight!

12AM At Night

*12am at night*

Body: Hey…hey…HEY

Me: What?

Body: Let’s go buy a bag of chips from the gas station

Me: But I’ve got apples and oranges in the-

Body: OOH! And a snickers bar too.

Me: We’ve got healthy alternatives in the kitchen.

Body: ….I’m gonna go start up the car.

Taking A Day Off

Me: I’m so tired…let’s take a day off of working out

Body: WOOT! Sounds great!

*Gain five pounds in one day*

Me: WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!!?

Body: *sobbing* I don’t know! I don’t know! Oh gah…it was all SO FAST!

Seeing a Skinny Person in Public

Body: Oh my gah they look so good…why can’t we be like that?

Me: *look of exasperated annoyance, anger, & possible murder in eyes*

Body: What? What! You’re the one in control here…

Getting on The Scale

Me: Alright we lost six pounds this week!

Body: SWEET! Let’s go celebrate at Chipotle!

Me: That’s not a good idea.

Body: I want a burrito with extra meat, cream cheese…and can they just bake some butter into the bread?

Me: We’re not going to Chipotle!

Body: But we did SO GOOD this week.

Me: Ok…but just this once.

*Ten pound weight gain later*

Me: I hate you so much.

Body: BUT IT TASTES SO GOOD!

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