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May 01, 2015
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Microsoft App Guesses How Old You Are From Picture Of Your Face, Not By Picture Of Your Butt

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If you haven’t caught wind of Microsoft’s new How-Old.net app #HowOldRobot, then that means that this section of Funny Or Die News is the only website you have visited in the last 2 days. If that’s the case, THANK YOU!

Basically, the app uses Microsoft’s new Face API to determine the age and gender of a person based solely on a picture of his or her face. The app is meant as an example of the facial recognition software’s powerthat will be used to do things like finding a specific face from a database of pictures or telling whether two faces in different pictures are the same.

But what Microsoft doesn’t understand is that society has moved on from the face as a means of identifying someone and has moved on to the butt. Big butts, small butts, and everything in between are what people are talking about and staring at these days. So, I decided to see how the #HowOldRobot does when it’s put to the butt test.


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Kim Kardashian
We’ll start with the most buzzed about bottom in Hollywood right now and the How Old Robot ended up being pretty kind to Kim’s 34 year old butt, spotting her a full 8 years. Kim works out and it shows!


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Ryan Gosling
Gosling’s ass is actually only 34 years old. And it looks great! It got the gender right, but this How Old Robot is starting to seem a little fishy.


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Jennifer Lopez
I decided to test the How Old Robot’s skill on a photoshopped ad of the Queen of Butts herself, J-Lo and, guess what, it passed! As a side note, when will ads finally start showing womens’ bodies for how they really look instead of photoshopping them to look like 1 year-old baby butts?


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George Michael
Music’s most famous male butt has to be the one wagging around in the video for Michael’s “Faith.” Very impressive, How Old Robot, George Michael’s cheeks are exactly 51 years old! This music video was shot when he was like half that so Microsoft’s new technology is clearly very intuitive.


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Nicki Minaj
Microsoft informs me that this is actually the sum total of the 2, 13 year-old silicon implants in Minaj’s rear meat rather than her actual 32 year-old rear. I refuse to believe those cheeks are anything but a natural expression of God’s will. But whatever you’re doing, keep it up Nicki, you look great! And the How Old Robot agrees!


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Gene Shalit
Before you ask, yes, that is Gene Shalit’s ass. Trust me. Secondly, the How Old Robot was exceptionally close here guessing that Gene Shalit’s 89 year-old as is actually 87! Way to go How Old Robot, and way to go butts!

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