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December 02, 2016
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Meanwhile in Japan...

A Japanese theme park caught a lot of flack for their newest attraction: an ice rink decorated with over 5,000 dead sea creatures frozen into the ice. The public backlash was so severe, the park was forced to close the skating rink. But according to their website, there are lots of other attractions at the theme park!


Wave Pool!

You’ll think you’re really in the ocean as you ride the surf and dodge the dead sea life floating around you! We’ve got it all, from guppies and minnows to a dead mermaid.

Westworld-Style Virtual Reality Experience!

Travel through time to the 1850s where you can shoot and fuck all the dead fish you want!

Elevator Of Terror!

A 500 foot free fall, ending with the elevator landing in a shallow pool that is dense with hundreds and hundreds of living fish. Exit the ride to see how many fish you squashed! Did you kill more than the ride before you?

Tilt-a-Whirl!

This dizzying ride might leave you a little sick to your stomach, but don’t worry! Our staff is stationed nearby with hollowed out angler fish for you to vomit into into.

Bumper Cars!

We’ve lacquered a whole bunch of dead fish into the floor! It’ll feel like you’re driving on the Ocean in a futuristic wonderland! Also, instead of bumping each other, you’ll be chasing down and slamming into old alligators that have been de-clawed and de-teethed.

Gondola Through The Park!

Ride through the sky on a gondola and enjoy the park scenery. The park scenery is a dying dolphin, beached and gasping for air. Shows every 30 minutes unless a dolphin lives longer than 30 minutes.

Log Flume!

The water is pumped full of so much chlorine and fish poison, any sea life that “ends up” on this ride will die within minutes.

A Big Dead Shark To Poke!

You can use a stick or not. Your choice.

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