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February 08, 2015
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Oo, you so fancy. Your Cordon Bleu friends will be so jel. Ha ha. Them and their student loan debt! You and your dirty sweatpants! Who’s the real loser now? (Actually, probably both of you. Just shut up and make this.)

Oo, you so fancy. Your Cordon Bleu friends will be so jel. Ha ha. Them and their student loan debt! You and your dirty sweatpants! Who’s the real loser now? (Actually, probably both of you. Just shut up and make this.)

  • 1 sea urchin from our Under the Sea Department. Yes, they’re expensive. No, they never go on sale.
  • Some bamboo skewers, or like branches I guess if you’re paleo
  • 1 x-tra large “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Keilbasa!”-BRAND kielbasa-flavored hot dog
  • 10 lbs cardamom, cuz it’s expensive and we need the money
  • 1 tub x-tra creamy EZ-SqueezyTM stroganoff

Remove liver(s) from sea urchin. Youtube for directions if you can’t figure it out. Stick the livers on sticks and top with “kielbasa.” Stick them back inside the sea urchin so that they’ll stay nice and juicy like you like it. Plop the whole thing in your fancy Sur la Table solid europium stewing pan and let stew for 28 seconds per side. Obey cooking science or your fancy friends will think you’re even more dumb than they secretly think you are anyway.

Meanwhile, combine cardamom and stroganoff in something really big, like a horse washing tub, or I guess just a really big bowl. Whatever works. Make patties. Arrange artfully on plate. Look at you, using your art degree after all!

Remove liver-keilbasa sticks from sea urchin. Recycle sea urchin (maybe as a puppet?). Decorate stroganoff patties with stick meat.

Serves enough to feed every one of your fake facebook friends, as if they would really come to your house.


Esmerelda Q. Jones, Dirty Hippie Coop
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