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July 22, 2012

An event designed to unite countries around the world in friendly competition, or a plot for world destruction courtesy of everyone's favorite Kool-Aid salesman? Read if you care about the safety of your children and aren't a terrorist.


Well, it looks like it's that time of every four years. The summer Olympics. That time of every four years when hardworking American athletes have to watch hopelessly and desperately as their jobs are outsourced to athletes the world over. No doubt if CHANCELLOR Obama had his way, we'd have the Olympics everyday and let just about anyone from anywhere win a medal of any color of their choosing. Is it any coincidence that the last year the Olympics were held was 2008, the year that Obama brainwashed his way into office? And now in 2012, the Obamalympics strike again, distracting everyone in the world as he mounts a fascist re-election campaign of terror, garnering just enough athlete injuries so he can carry out his socialist Obamacare? 
This year's host city is London, England, and here is some little-known trivia about England. Over there, they drive on the wrong side of the road and also England is the country that gave birth to America. However, America is better off without a mother like that because that slut England wasn't even married when she had baby America, bringing shame to all. An alternate theory is that Englad was a virgin when she was impregnated with America and America was made via immaculate conception, thus making America the Jesus of countries. In which case we'd like to apologize for any sentences that may have been perceived as derogatory to England, but still, America is #1 and always will be. 
Here is a rundown of the fickle games man will be forced to play while the America-hating Obama sits in his office, smoking cigarettes, hatching a plan to rule the free world. I know that he is already the leader of the free world, but you know what I mean. And is it any coincidence that First Lady Michelle Obama spends so much of her time these days trying to get young, obese children into physically fit shape? It is not for THEIR benefit, it is for her husband's, so he can have a new army of PAWNS to play on the chessboard that is his Obamalympic agenda. Boom! Logic bomb! 
Did you hear about this Rafael Nadal? He won the gold medal (or should I say, the medal "oro") in the Beijing games in 2008. And now the Spaniard athlete is being forced to pull out of this years' games because of a so-called "injury". Hey, wiseguy, I wouldn't play any sport that has an injury named AFTER it! Ever hear of "tennis elbow"? Maybe now you can spend less time cavorting freely with the 1% and get a REAL job like the rest of the world in the fields or in the mines!  
An alternate theory is that Barack Obama personally punched Nadal in the elbow, looking for any excuse to practise his inhuman mad-scientist Obamaxperiments. 
Well, this sounds like nothing but good news for the Obama administration. A group of illegals and foreigners and non-English speakers not only adept at maneuvering themselves over high bars but trained in COMBAT to do so? That's an interesting stance on immigration you have there, Mr. Faux-bama. Tell me how this plays out. Assuming next January we're not all being forced to sing the national anthem in DUTCH! 
The Jamaican-born Usain Bolt is back to defend his 2008 Olympic title. A rather curious parallel, don't you think? Much like how KENYAN-BORN BARACK OBAMA IS BACK TO DEFEND HIS TITLE OF BEING A MAN WHO 100-METER DASHES AWAY FROM HIS PROBLEMS? LOGIC! AT! WORK! 
Now this event is a doozy.I've never understood the point of swimming. Do people actually get pleasure out of watching swimmers fall below the surface, amid water, unable to breath, then brought back up suddenly gasping for air? Doesn't that remind you of a little place called GUANTANAMO BAY? ANOTHER FAILED CAMPAIGN PROMISE BY ... YOU-KNOW-WHO! Vold-Obama-mort! CHECKMATE! Not to mention that golden-boy Michael Phelps has been caught with a marijuana cigartte before and the sport of swimming was not IMMEDIATELY terminated the world over by the President, meaning he must ENDORSE the idea of your children smoking illicit, killer drugs. No doubt if Obama had his way, he'd be holding all his cabinet meetings while smoking marijuana drug cigarettes in a drum circle! No doubt. NO. DOUBT. NO DOUBT. No Doubt is a band from the '90s that went their seperate ways when Gwen Stefani wanted to try her hand at a solo career. They've now reunited for a new single which I heard the other day. It is pretty good, not as good as their original stuff, but what can be? On top of it all, swimming seems a rather impractical way to travel across a pool. Jesus would just walk it. 
I have a photo of Hillary Clinton breastfeeding Hitler.