Title: THE TIME I DIDN’T SEE A U.F.O.
I grew tired of living in the city and set about a crazy idea of moving way out in the great planes. So I acquired thirty acres of grade A high plains, buffalo shit, property way out in the wind crazy area east of town. I moved myself into a 20x20 shack with one sink one commode a standing shower and a hot plate. I crammed a television, very small fridge, bed and kerosene heater in this hobble and set out on a two year adventure of wild western living. The summers were sticky hot and the winters were brutally cold. Hershey was just a pup and I had a few old mares at the time. The barn the Mares had was three times bigger than the tack shed I was living in. Being that this was my greatest Idea ever, I couldn’t nor wouldn’t admit that it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done, and pretended for several months that I was happy. I had moved so far out into bum fucked that it took me right close to two hours to drive to work. I was spending 150 dollars a week in gasoline. But hey I was happy damn it! One morning at three o’clock, I was rushing out to work, Hershey was in the back in his fenced yard area, plenty of water and the mares had been fed and I just pulled the coffee off the hot plate and had my thermos and sippie cup and was heading for the pick up. It was dark, dark, dark. I got to the tailgate and the ground around me lit up bright. I could see my shadow radiating from my feet to an exacting scale. I could hear the low rumble in the sky that grew louder and louder and then fainter and fainter and the sequence continued over and over again. The sound had a metallic sound to it, kind of a grinding sound but nothing like a jet or helicopter, I was still half asleep even though I had fed and put up three animals and made coffee. I stood there looking at my shadow, for what had to have been a minute, just looking at my shadow. I then took a soft sip of the hot coffee that was burning through the cup to my hand leaving a chapped sensation in my palm. I took the sip, walked to my truck, got in and turned the lights on and drove to work. I have told people that story and they all asked, “You think it was a U.F.O?” I always say, “I don’t know.” and they always ask me, “Why didn’t you look up?” and I always answer ; I JUST AINT READY TO BE THAT CRAZY.
If the U.F.O.’s want me to go on late night radio and talk about them, if they want me to be on Discovery talking about that time I saw that thing in the sky, they are going to have to try a little harder to secure my endorsement. At least a cool ride, and a couple of footless spins in the captains chair. I’d even take a T. Shirt from their marketing department or a cool baseball cap. Lets face it I’m not that cheap. So until a deal is reached I will always refer to them as the U.F.O I didn’t see.