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FOD Wire
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Published May 24, 2008

SACRAMENTO - In a recent Gallup poll it was discovered that 18 out of every 20 United States citizens did not know that Memorial Day was any different than Labor Day.

"Everything you do is exactly the same," said Josh Hunt, owner of Josh's Restaurant. "It's hard to keep track of the different Mondays off." His sister Vicki concurred. Cackling, she said, "I just know that by Tuesday, I need to be hung out to dry."

Traditionally, Memorial Day has been a day to place flowers and flags on the headstones of dead military personnel. But it is now primarily used as an extra day to drive, as Vicki put it, "drunker than shit," and also as a day, as Josh put it, "to drink beer, eat beef and get laid by someone who is hopefully wearing a bikini."

Even school children are not aware of the significance of Memorial Day. A sixth grader at Western Hill Elementary School believed it to be a holiday that can be swapped out for Labor Day.

Said Lindsey, "I think it switches every year because I know that last year I was supposed to go to my friend Kimberly's step-dad's houseboat on Labor Day, but this year I'm going on Memorial Day. He always drinks a lot on Memorial-Labor Day, and he’s also really poor."

When told that they were completely different holidays celebrating two completely separate things, Lindsey simply said, "I don’t get it."

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