1. aluminum foil cannot be microwaved
2. seagulls love my head
3. teeth do not make good can openers
4. don't stare down a pitbull wearing a chain link collar
5. don't kneel down to pet a goat......EVER
6. if you have goldfish, communicate with your family about feeding them...that way you will know
whether everyone fed them, and they wont explode
7. blond hair turns green in heavily chlorinated water
8. mr. clean has ammonia in it. i'm pretty sure ajax has bleach. don't mix them. you wont feel well after
9. never use your dad's cuisinart blender for art projects
10. use a sharp blade when cutting tomotoes
11. ex-lax never works when it says it will on the box.
12. don't keep 2 used 9 volt batteries in your pocket. you will get hot pants.
13. don't light the wrong end of a cigarrette. twice.
14. coffee filters may be good toilet paper for a while, but the plumbing takes a beating
15. bissell vacuum bags do not fit on a hoover vacuum.
16. chinchillas are very fast and good hiders
17. if you live in PA, you need 4 wheel drive.
18. if the milk smells funky, don't drink it.
19. never eat seafood at an all-u-can-eat buffet in vegas before boarding the red eye
20. always tip the guy/girl who ties the christmas tree to the roof of you car....if you don't, they can
ruin your holiday
21. triple a is a necessity
22. always look under the hood of your car after you get if back from the shop...it may be missing some
23. don't saw off a toilet seat until you have a replacement toilet seat
24. if you need more than one sock drawer, you have too many socks
25. never walk into a bank with a pillowcase(full of change) wearing a hat and sunglasses(on a sunny
day)...it seems to alarm the staff