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July 26, 2012

Sometimes people are just prone to being at the wrong place at the wrong time. well with this guide, those people can fear no more!

Bad things happen, and sometimes we become victims, but a select few people in the world seem to test the whole “Jesus loves all” thing because of their horrible luck in life. Then again, is this bad luck? Or do some not know when to get the hell out of a bad situation? Well if you’re that person who has shitty things happen to them on a daily basis, then feel shitty no more! Just be on the lookout for these danger indicators and you’ll soon be sweating ancient Chinese wisdom and fortune… or at the very least have a less painful life.


East Asians running in fear

I’ve heard that East Asia (or parts of it) is the first to experience the day when the earth makes its 24 hour rotation. This sounds smart enough to be true so for now let’s just accept it as fact. So if this is true, then people in east Asia screaming in terror would be a pretty good indicator that bad things are a coming your way. Whether it be a giant lizard rising out of the sea, an alien invasion, or some other cataclysmic even that’s slightly funny, just look to the far east to know if you should get scurred or not


People Standing Around

If you’re in a public place – for this scenario let’s just say you’re at a old timey bank, that’s semi -public right? – then you should have nothing to worry about. It’s a public area where people will have your back if at any point in time shit starts to get real. Normally this would happen (if you still have faith in humanity or are a defenseless child), However, not even random strangers can help you when there’s people just standing and looking around for no reason. Why? Because this is a sign that either a robbery or a flash mob is about to bake place, both of which are mentally traumatizing to the average man.


Those people just had to suddenly dance to thriller in public and take my boy toy’s soul


When that robbery/flash mob takes place, minds will be blown immediately, leaving you helpless to any harm that comes your way, but DO. NOT. PANIC. This doesn’t have to happen! As long as you do yourself a favor by keeping a flash mob/robbery detector on your person at all times or run like hell away from people standing awkwardly in public, then you will have avoided a horrible experience.


Signs That Literally Say “DANGER” On Them


Whenever anything with the word danger on it is present, there’s a good chance that you could get hurt or die in your current area. Signs with danger written on them are common in video games since they warn the gamer that they’re about to get really upset since the game quickly becomes much harder after the sign is shown. But since this is the real world, the appearance of anything with the word “DANGER’ is literally life trying to help you out. So if and when you come across this, accept the kind gesture that the universe has given to you, and get the hell out of where you’re at. Unless you’re at a McDonalds at 9:00 A.M of course, because nothing bad ever happens at McDonalds at EXACTLY 9:00 A.M.


Unless you count people battling it out to get a McGriddle as dangerous


The Appearance Of A Super Hero


In Some Movies A Super hero will appear if some dastardly deed is being committed. And if you ever kept watching those movies, then you would see that immediately after the hero(s) appears, New York City gets destroyed and hundreds of people almost die…but it looks AWESOME!!! On the other hand, if a super hero appears in real life and just so happens to be in your area, I can see how this could be not so great. In other words, if a super hero suddenly appears to ward of evil then hide for your life, because if you stay, then on a scale of 1 to 10, you are fucked beyond belief.


The Sudden Breakdown Of Your Car


Cars are some of the most useful tools in the modern world. Millions of people use cars in their lives every day to get them from point A to point B, and usually this happens with little to know crying because you hit a deer… that might just me though. The only terrifying thing about driving a car is that the thing about cars is that they could break down anywhere at any time, and I’ve watched enough movies to know that when a group of friends are driving down the road and their car suddenly stops working, horrible things happen to them, and I don’t want horrible things to happen to you, unless you don’t like Pokémon, then I want very horrible things to happen to you. So stop reading this immediately and live your life.


I’m sure your life will be very enjoyable without my sarcastic guidance


 But for you people who are pro-Pokémon, even if you do have great taste in cartoons, I’m afraid that your car can still breakdown in the middle of nowhere. So the only real advice I can give you that will prevent you from getting killed or turned into a wax stature is to…be a pussy eco friendly, ride a bike!


The fact of the matter is that danger is everywhere and it’s a miracle that the human race is still here. Is there a full proof way to be 100% danger free? YES! All you have to do is not be born, which is surprisingly really hard to do without a time machine. Believe it or not, I actually like having some danger in my life, it keeps things interesting, and interesting things keep me happy. So the best thing we all can do is just live our dangerous thug lives and constantly be thinking that little phrase…