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April 27, 2015
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How to be cool in 7 easy steps (as dictated by Charl S. McGustafston)

1. Gold necklaces. Easy. Fashionable. There’s no better way to say, “Hey, look at my neck, it’s cool,” except by saying, “Hey, look at my neck, it’s cool.”

2. Breakaway pants. You know what’s cooler than a pair of breakaway pants? Two pairs of breakaway pants.

3. Mustaches. Enough said. If you can’t grow a mustache, try. People will appreciate the effort.

4. Constantly ask where the weight-room is, even if you are fully aware of its location and operating hours.

5. Read the dictionary in public. You’ll look smart, and that’s the next best thing to actually being smart.

6. Wink. A lot. If you think you’re winking too much, you’re not. This is important. You cannot overdo winking. Your eyelids should literally hurt. Trust me.

7. Repeat Steps 1 - 6.

8. Repeat Step 7.

9. Repeat Steps 7 - 8.

10. Repeat Steps 2, 4, 5, and 6 if age 34. For all other ages, repeat Step 9.

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