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February 21, 2017

"#4. He is trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty and running water is hard for him to come by."

It’s the question we’ve all been asking: why is Pig Pen, the character from The Peanuts with a perpetual dirt cloud following him wherever he goes, so dirty all the time? We present eight theories below.

He’s Broke


He is trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty and running water is hard for him to come by.

As A Symbol


All of us have demons. Perhaps his just happens to manifest itself as a cloud of dust, versus Linus’ internal struggle with existence or Charlie Brown’s insatiable sexual appetite.

As A Result Of His “Living Situation”


He may live in a quarry, cave, or mudpit. Charles Schulz was a decent storyteller, but neglected us what we, the audience, wanted most: to know what Pig Pen’s exact living situations were. Was it actually a pigpen? If so, uh hello, Child ProtectiveServices? What are you guys doing over there? Sleeping? Good grief.

He Grossly Overreacted To A Compliment


Have you ever noticed that if you compliment a girl’s hair and she likes you, she’ll wear that hairstyle more often? Maybe some cute ass fourth grader was like “Pig Pen, you have a smudge on your lip, it’s kinda cute!” and Pig Pen just, like, ran with it.

Poor Short Term Memory

He could’ve just forgotten!


A Drought


It may not have rained in a while in… Springfield? Bedrock? Shit. They never really mention that either, do they? Cmon, Schulz. Quit telling half the story, you pre-Tarantino jackass. We’re not asking for much. Backstory is a great way to create foundation for your characters.

His Sister Could Be Trying To Kill Him


Every night, some time between 2:00 and 4:00 am, Pig Pen’s aggressive older sister comes in with a wheelbarrow and unloads two tons of dirt and or gravel and or dust and tries to suffocate him. But Pig Pen is resilient. Only Pig Pen knows Pig Pen’s weakness,and nobody in their little (or potentially big?) town has access to a blow dart lined with arsenic or the accuracy with which to place it perfectly in his left ventricle.

He’s Blind


Pig Pen is blind and what he thinks is shampoo is merely a bundle of stale MarsBars sans-wrappers tied together with parcel twine.