Full Credits

Stats & Data

134Funny
29Die
6,127
Views
August 13, 2015
Published
Description

Deadwood Gossip Reporter Al Swearengen gives us the latest dirty dirt on Deadwood's possible return.

Well, the felating fuckfairies are flapping their fucking flappers and singing their spearsucking songs in my dear Deadwood once a-fuckin-gain!

That’s right, my hard little nipplers, HBO and Deadwood are off fingering in the parlor, and are presently in talks to take the touching to the bedroom and make a true fuck and suck out of it, one that we can all watch (and “wood" watch, trust me).

I suppose it matters fuckall if a mine’s been shuttered for 40 fucking days and 40 fucking years — where there’s proven gold, cocksuckers gone abroad or never here will always return or arrive, PICK-IN-HAND and PENNIES-IN-PURSE!!

And make no fucking misjudgery on this, dear Deadheads, Deadwood is a Fucking El Fucking Dor-Fucking-Ah-Fucking-Doe -a cocksucking, titfucking city of shit-grinning glitz, glamor, and gold!! Who can resist the sweet pussy of WRITING, the bubblin’ ass of DIRECTING, and the overflowing titties of shit-dropping ACTING that this fucking enterprise of entertainment encapsulizes and employs upon???

If this Fevered Dream fucks its way to Sobered Reality and fucks its way right, this little pot shitter will blow below the belts of HBO brass until he hears Dear Fucking Dixie!!

If you cunt-ticklers don’t recall the whole memoir, I’ll flip right to the fuck scenes: Deadwood failed to strike the proper numbers and HBO closed the venture after its third year, before a perfect denouement could find its proper port to plunge its pisser, if you’re licking my hole. Story lines were tossed to the pigs, and fans were left blued in the balls, and creator David Milch was left cramped in the cock with nowhere to cum cum cum!!!!!

But don’t wet your snatch just yet. We’re still a long way from seeing the cock enter the hen house. So cross your puss-pokers and lick your angel’s asses, because with a little luck and a lot of spitting, we’ll be squeaking the mattress springs of the Deadwood Hotel by bird-fucking time next year!!!!!

Advertisement
Advertisement