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February 07, 2016

Reports indicate that Jim Nantz is now suicidal and has been taken to Santa Clara Medical Center for a psychiatric evalutation.

Reports indicate Jim Nantz was taken to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation after the broadcast of this year’s Super Bowl at Santa Clara’s Medical Center near Levi Stadium.

According to Phil Simms, “Jim just snapped when he had to promote the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. He stuck through commentating on the rest of the game, but I could tell he wasn’t the same when we went to the commercial break. He asked me, why the world was the way it was rather than not talking to me like he normally would. It was such a profound question that I didn’t have the answer to. I just replied, ‘Hey, I am just a football commentator, Mr. Nantz.’”

Jim Nantz replied, “Who said you could speak? Remember the rules. What are the rules? Tell them to me.”

Phil said, “No talking to you off air.”

Jim Nantz yelled, “You broke the rule again.”

Jim Nantz’s rules for me interacting with him off air are as follows:
1. Do not touch him.
2. Do not make eye contact with him
3. Do not speak with him.
4. Do not breathe unless you have to.
5. Bathroom breaks are not allowed.

— Phil Simms

During halftime, Jim Nantz started to do air gestures of suicidal acts. Phil Simms described it, “He just kept on doing every gesture you could think of. He mimed drinking cold bacon grease after pretending to fry the bacon on a stove. He gestured the outline of a mountain and that he couldn’t see and then air mimed drinking Mountain Dew. He also pretended to throw a football which he also caught and then began to eat the football.”

He added, “I’ve never seen him do this sort of air miming. Usually, he just air mimes grabbing breasts of the cheerleaders, making out with them, winning a toy ring through a claw machine, then putting the ring on her finger, having babies, and then signing divorce papers.”

Audiences on Twitter commented that Jim Nantz really read the sponsorship of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows very strangely. Now, that the news has broken out that Jim Nantz will most likely be committed to a mental ward at a hospital in San Francisco, a Change.org petition has been started requesting that Michael Bay apologize for producing the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. It has gathered over 10,000 signatures in the span of 30 minutes.

The Nantz family at this time has asked to be left alone in this difficult time. This breaking story will be updated throughout the evening and through the week hopefully with pictures of the Nantz family.