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January 23, 2017
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You might think you know a lot about your city, but do you alternative-know a lot about your city?

PHILADELPHIA

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  • Residents have more blood than the rest of us
  • Rich with history, Philadelphia is the location of the first Boston Tea Party. Scones were served and Madam Billingsworth spilled on her petticoat, embarrassing her family to this day.
  • Home of Shitsack the Cow

NEW YORK CITY

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  • Part of Atlantis
  • Founded by Christopher Columbus’ younger brother Huey Columbus. Huey actually found NYC by accident, while chasing a butterfly that ended up just being a regular fly.
  • Was originally named York City II: You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet

HOUSTON

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  • A city on the cutting edge of technology with a robot mayor and metal trees
  • Birthplace of Superman
  • Houston was made famous in 1941, when Cupid’s arrow pierced the throat of a local resident, killing him in front of his soulmate.

CHICAGO

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  • Floats in saltwater
  • Kentucky Derby winning horse SeaCookie once said, “Chicago is but a flower in full bloom, existing merely to delight those who live among it.”
  • Residents get two desserts

MIAMI

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  • This city is also a state
  • The first ever phone call took place in Miami. It was between Alexander Graham Bell and that Verizon guy who switched to Sprint. They talked about phones.
  • Home to the oldest living dead bird

LOS ANGELES

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  • Winters can be harsh causing many residents to fly south to warmer climates where foods like nectar and insects are more plentiful.
  • Only city in America to have an all K-9 police force
  • The first city to ever put toppings on pizza! In 1919, an idiot baker thought he had to get in the oven with the pizza. And voilà! Pizza, topped with human flesh!

PHOENIX

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  • Made famous by the Little Doctor Who Could– a 5’3” doctor who gave himself gigantism.
  • The popular Phoenix Museum of History let’s you burn one item per visit
  • Spelled with an “F”
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