DEC 13, 2011


It was announced that plans are in the works for two "Angry Birds" themed playgrounds to open in Finland. 

The only problem being, kids no longer know what playgrounds are, because of "Angry Birds". 


A man in Berlin dressed as Santa Claus was arrested after he drugged a teenage girl in an attempt to have sex with her. 

It's unknown why he didn't just use mistletoe like everybody else. 


Charlie Sheen was forced to deactivate his cellphone after accidentally posting his number on Twitter to over 5 million followers. 

What amazes me is that after all that cocaine, Sheen can still remember 9 digits. 


Lady Gaga says that she's set to become an ordained minister. 

It's all part of her plan to find new ways to accurately piss off religious fanatics. 


An airline in Quebec was charged after it was discovered they had been overcharging patrons with disabilites for several years. 

First class fliers were also stabbed in the face by stewardesses and billed for acupunture treatments. 


Two supposedly homosexual male penguins living together at the Toronto Zoo were forced to seperate by zoo officials, in an attempt to turn them into straight. 

The two penguins were then forced to marry Liza Minelli. 


The penguins' story will be chronicled in a 3D movie coming next Christmas ...

 "Happy Feet 3 : Light in the Loafers"