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The historic puzzle game turned the big 3-0 today, and like most 30-year-olds, it’s more grown up than it used to be, but is still figuring some stuff out. Here’s how 30-year-old Tetris is doing these days:

  • Now going by more mature-sounding “Tetristopher”
  • Starting to find a few grey blocks
  • Finally moved out of parents’ Game Boy
  • Beginning to pay down student loans
  • Feeling pressure to propose to longtime girlfriend, MegaMan 2
  • Constantly wondering what comes next (despite little box that says so)
  • Long piece starting to go limp prematurely
  • Keeps putting off that trip back home to Russia
  • Thinking about seeing Dr. Mario for a prostate exam
  • Can’t tell if it’s his imagination or not but time seems to be going by faster
  • Constantly explaining to parents that video games ARE his real job
  • Getting really tired of that song
  • Now when you beat the game, the little Russian man doesn’t dance, he just stays in, watches some Netflix, and hits the hay early
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