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This piece originally ran at Carroll ünd Klinger.

December 3
Thanks again for selling me your couch. Got her inside with ease. Looks great against my wall's earth tones.

December 4
How are you liking your new couch? No trade backs ;)

December 5
I found a business card in between the cushions. Name is Trudy Bowes. Want her deets? Let me know.

December 6
When’s the last time you rotated the cushions? I want to make sure I don’t screw up the schedule.

December 10
Called Trudy to let her know I found her card in your couch. She wants you to call! Between us guys, I think she’s DTF.

December 11
I'm such an idiot. Spilled some red wine on the right cushion. Did you typically use club soda or distilled water?

December 17
Call Trudy yet?

December 20
Hey man, I’ve been having a lot of headaches lately. Think I might have my HDTV (LED, natch) too close to the couch. What kind of separation did you have?

December 25
Merry Christmas!

December 26
Sorry, dude, just realized you may not be Christian. Happy Hannukkah if so!

January 4
Trudy messaged me today. Seemed pretty upset that you haven’t called. Going to get a coffee with her and calm her down. You want to meet us? Java Joe at Hawes & Spencer.

January 4 (an hour later)
You’re a breast man, huh? LOL. Excellent taste, pal. She’s a stunner.

January 4 (two hours later)
FYI: Trudy loves the couch!

January 6
Hope you’re not mad at me, buddy. Say the word. Couch bros before hoes.

January 19
This isn’t just a couch. It’s a Love Seat.

February 20
Show me them cannons, baby. Kaboom.

February 20 (five minutes later)
Please disregard previous text.

April 6
Have you moved since the couch transaction? Lemme know!

May 9
Did you get your Save The Date? Trudy and I really want you there on our special day!!!

June 14
Trudy wants to register for a new couch. This might be a dealbreaker.

This piece originally ran at Carroll ünd Klinger.

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