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October 26, 2011

Local man claims the movie Limitless is just a blatant promotion of the drug Adderall

Local Man Hank Stevens is officially boycotting the upcoming release of Limitless starring Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro.

Bradley Cooper plays a man who takes a pill enabling him to use all of his brain power, making him extremely intelligent but plunging him deeper into a corrupt underworld that he may not be able to get out of.

“Yea, what’s special about that?! You mean to tell me a guy takes a pill and is able to remember stuff a lot better, be alert, not tired, and the ability to multi-task. Why would I pay $11.50 to see something that I did every week before a big test. It’s basically a guy taking adderall and then trying to force in some stupid conspiracy plot. Freaking Hollywood.

Mr. Stevens continued to mumble to an imaginary person by his side about the inverse cost analysis of international distribution as he popped several Adderall. He then hoped on a stationary bike while speaking into his Blackberry all while reading War and Peace.

“What was that? Did you ask me a question? I’m sorry I’m just reading about how to start my own business while on with investors from Japan.”