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April 05, 2016

Who is Merrick Garland? One of these must be right.

Who is Merrick Garland? The name sounds familiar, but I can’t remember.
Here are my best guesses:

  • 1. Merrick Garland is the owner of a Wonder Emporium
  • 2. Merrick Garland is a man wearing a fancy hat and monocle on a safari
  • 3. Merrick Garland is a reclusive toymaker
  • 4. Merrick Garland is the real name of rapper 2 Chainz
2 Chainz.jpg
  • 5. Merrick Garland is currently seven shots back at the Masters
  • 6. Merrick Garland is an ill-conceived Christmas-themed Batman villain
  • 7. Merrick Garland is a hapless craftsman unknowingly aided by nocturnal elves
  • 8. Merrick Garland is Benedict Cumberbatch’s “Sasha Fierce”
  • 9. Merrick Garland is a Donald Trump campaign staffer who was captured on video repeatedly beating journalists with one of those giant American Gladiators q-tips
  • 10. Merrick Garland is the Elephant Man
  • 11. Merrick Garland is Banksy
  • 12. Merrick Garland is Cap’n Crunch
  • 13. Merrick Garland funded the construction of Jurassic Park
  • 14. Merrick Garland is that woman from Watchmen and some other stuff
  • 15. Merrick Garland is the warmest and most comfortable type of sweater
  • 16. Merrick Garland is a 24-year-old European DJ we’re paying 80 bucks to see play his iPod tonight at Hakkasan
  • 17. Merrick Garland is a hobbit who started with the Fellowship but then chased a butterfly all the way back to the Shire
  • 18. Merrick Garland is a notable figure in many medical texts for having survived a harpoon lodged directly through his ears
  • 19. Merrick Garland has been a back-up NFL quarterback for 23 years
  • 20. Merrick Garland is the best magician we could afford, but it says here that he trained under Copperfield
  • 21. Merrick Garland, better known as the Route 17 Killer, killed at least 15 prostitutes in the late seventies
Crime Sketch.jpg