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Additional Credits:
http://ow.ly/c0kUB, www.stateoftheweek.ca, www.dylanrhymer.com
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Published July 22, 2012

(AURORA, COLORADO) – In the wake of last Friday’s tragic shooting massacre at a screening of The Dark Knight Rises, the National Rifle Association has reached out to families of the victims with free tickets to any movie of their choice.

“Every free American shares in your pain.” said NRA President Wayne LaPierre “We at the NRA offer our profoundest condolences with these tickets redeemable for admission to any movie of your choice for you and your loved ones.” 

Twelve people were killed and dozens wounded early Friday after a gunman fired on an unsuspecting audience. The suspect was apprehended with four guns—one shotgun, one rifle and two handguns.

“Obviously nothing can replace the lives of the 12 victims of this senseless tragedy. These tickets are the NRA’s humble way of expressing our deepest sympathies in this, your darkest hour. And these aren’t the cheap ones, either. These babies will also get you popcorn and drinks, redeemable any time before Jan, 2013.”

“To do anything less would be callous and inhuman.” he added. 

See Dylan Rhymer’s live stand-up comedy special http://ow.ly/c0kUB

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