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September 16, 2014
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On Thursday, the nation of Scotland will go to the polls and cast a historic vote on whether to remain a part of the United Kingdom or to secede from Great Britain and become its own independent country. As a service to the 94% of our readership that resides in the Scottish Highlands, we’ve provided a chart to explain the possible outcomes of each option listed on the referendum.

On Thursday, the nation of Scotland will go to the polls and cast a historic vote on whether to remain a part of the United Kingdom or to secede from Great Britain and become its own independent country. As a service to the 94% of our readership that resides in the Scottish Highlands, we’ve provided a chart to explain the possible outcomes of each option listed on the referendum.


 
No:
Scotland will remain part of the UK
Yes:
Scotland will become independent from England
Raaahhh:
Scotland will invade England, Europe, the world
Result Scotland would remain a part of the United Kingdom, economically and politically unified with those redcoat bastards to the South. Scotland would become an independent country for the first time in 300 years, except for one crazy night in 1982. Scotland would crush the UK under its plaid boot, turn all bloody English into cybernetically enhanced warrior-slaves, conquer world.
Celebrity supporters Emma Thompson. Mel Gibson, presumably. Former Doctor Who star David Tennant (really).
Economics Scotland would continue to toil under the yoke of the strong, stable English pound. Unfortunately, Scotland would lose the privilege of sharing profit from its oil reserves with England. World markets would likely take a hit when London’s population replaced entirely with sheep.
Socialized medicine Scotland would remain part of the National Health Service. Much like WB heroine Felicity, Scotland would experience exhilarating freedom, but would be unable to afford its own health insurance. Death in battle is glorious.
Citizenship and residency Scots would continue to hold full second class UK citizenship. JK Rowling would be fired back to England in a cannon. All redheads would hold an unrestricted license to kill.
Impact on Doctor Who Scotsman Peter Capaldi would continue to play the Doctor. Scotland would launch its own version of Doctor Who, to be called "Laird Who’s Tha’ Then." Scottish scientists are already working on a TARDIS covered in guns.
Impact on people knowing about Wales Haha nice try. Wales is not real. “Wales,” sure, next thing you’ll tell us that Buckingham Palace guards really wear those hats.
World haggis levels Unchanged. Lower, since there will be fewer opportunities to gross out English people with it. Haggis will be the only food.
Ability of young English ladies to elope to Gretna Green with scoundrels Unchanged. Young ladies would be turned away at the border, retaining their virtue for more eligible suitors, like the young vicar who has loved them from afar. Cybernetically enhanced warrior-slaves do not marry.

Result

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Scotland would remain a part of the United Kingdom, economically and politically unified with those redcoat bastards to the South.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Scotland would become an independent country for the first time in 300 years, except for one crazy night in 1982.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Scotland would crush the UK under its plaid boot, turn all bloody English into cybernetically enhanced warrior-slaves, conquer world.



Celebrity supporters

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Emma Thompson.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Mel Gibson, presumably.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Former Doctor Who star David Tennant (really).



Economics

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Scotland would continue to toil under the yoke of the strong, stable English pound.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Unfortunately, Scotland would lose the privilege of sharing profit from its oil reserves with England.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: World markets would likely take a hit when London’s population replaced entirely with sheep.



Socialized medicine

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Scotland would remain part of the National Health Service.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Much like WB heroine Felicity, Scotland would experience exhilarating freedom, but would be unable to afford its own health insurance.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Death in battle is glorious.



Citizenship and residency

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Scots would continue to hold full second class UK citizenship.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: JK Rowling would be fired back to England in a cannon.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: All redheads would hold an unrestricted license to kill.



Impact on Doctor Who

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Scotsman Peter Capaldi would continue to play the Doctor.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Scotland would launch its own version of Doctor Who, to be called "Laird Who’s Tha’ Then."


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Scottish scientists are already working on a TARDIS covered in guns.



Impact on people knowing about Wales

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Haha nice try.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Wales is not real.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: “Wales,” sure, next thing you’ll tell us that Buckingham Palace guards really wear those hats.



World haggis levels

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Unchanged.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Lower, since there will be fewer opportunities to gross out English people with it.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Haggis will be the only food.



Ability of young English ladies to elope to Gretna Green with scoundrels

No:Scotland would remain part of the UK with England: Unchanged.


Yes: Scotland would become independent from England: Young ladies would be turned away at the border, retaining their virtue for more eligible suitors, like the young vicar who has loved them from afar.


Raaahhh: Scotland would invade England: Cybernetically enhanced warrior-slaves do not marry.










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