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October 03, 2008
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NOT NUKULAR

 

After eight years of hearing George W. Bush sound like a Huddle House employee any time he's trying to have a serious discussion about nuclear power or nuclear proliferation, I thought the bare minimum for any candidate or vice-candidate would be to pronouce the word like they would be able to recognize it if they read it in a book or on a report, which had the phrase, 'we have just been the victims of a nuclear attack' written in it somewhere.

 

On the whole, Palin did better than I expected, but contextually what I expected was pretty terrible. I won't say that I expected something on the level of Usain Bolt racing the 100 meters against say... Stephen Hawking, but that's not far from it.

Actually, I can do better than that analogy. Ever look at the drawings little kids (3-year-olds and 4-year-olds) do? What I expected from Palin was exactly what I'd expect from a 3-year-old who told me she'd just drawn a picture of my girlfriend.

Feelings of dread, coupled with a barely able contain sense of 'holy crap this is gonna be funny,' and a fear that everyone else in the room is going to be overly supportive of this kid and elect her vice-president based on this retarded-looking crayon picture she drew.

Joe Biden draws portraits of people who don't have their faces on their stomachs and they have knees and elbows. He works in charcoal and paints with oils not fingerpaint, dammit!

 

And will someone please take that baby from little Willow. She's very cute and seems to be the leader of that family, but that baby is half her size. Sarah, you're going to give that kid a hunchback if you don't find a sitter.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOTE: I apologize to Huddle House employees for comparing you to George Bush. I regret it deeply, but someone had to take the punch for me to finish that simile. In all honesty, if I only had four teeth in my mouth and was addicted to crystal meth, I doubt I could speak nearly as well as most of you.  

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