1) RIP Worm

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 10.56.44 AM.png
Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 10.59.02 AM.png

“Guys, how do we show that Daryl is depressed while SIMULTANEOUSLY conveying that food is scarce?” “You show him eating a worm by himself, duh.” That’s what I imagine a Walking Dead writers room is like. Forget a priest burning his collar, this was the most heavy-handed symbolism we’ve experienced yet, and it’s basically a watered down version of a song kids sing on the school bus. And before all of the fans (hey, btw, I am also a fan of this show) jump down my throat like so many worms, let me state that I’m aware of the obvious: Yes, that worm is still food and many cultures eat worms and that worm has some totally sweet protein for Daryl’s completely ripped bod. It doesn’t make it any less ridiculous that emo Daryl is snacking solo or that I’ll almost certainly have to see zombie worm cosplay at Comic-Con this year.

2) McDognald’s

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 11.55.37 AM.png

I have no problem with the characters eating dog for dinner. Times are tough!

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.00.15 PM.png

The face you make when the dog meat is too good.

The painfully obvious issue here is AMC’s decision to not show Glenn (the one Asian character) eating any dog. Not only was there no close up of Glenn eating dog, he’s all the way in the back of the group out of focus when everyone is chowing down. You don’t ever see him actually put anything in his mouth.

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 11.56.19 AM.png

Come on, AMC! Let us see Glenn eating the dog. All the cool survivors are doing it! It’s like they don’t realize the choice to not show Glenn eating dog was more racist than just casually showing Glenn eating dog. Because it’s YOUR DOG. Or something. I bet AMC would’ve shown what Glenn was eating if it was a delicious Eat Fresh sandwich from Subway.

3) “It’s Raining, So Now We’re Not Thirsty”

QkEH4dK.jpg

Anyone who has ever tried to drink rain as it falls from the sky knows it’s a fun and whimsical activity that ultimately results in zero water consumption. Your tongue might get damp, but you’re not getting a full sip. And yet, they’re all stoked. If anything, the general consensus should’ve been, “Shit, now our socks our wet.” I don’t know why they didn’t just roll the dice on that mystery water.

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.02.54 PM.png
Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.03.08 PM.png

I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? It said “friend” right on there! What more do you need, a notarized letter of friendship authenticity?!? Learn to let people in, you guys! Wait, scratch that. Pretty much everyone they let in results in death and misery.

4) The Titular Line

uImILj2.jpg
flOYwH4.jpg
family-guy-s07e12-42000576717-07-10.jpg

He said it! He said the thing that’s the name of the show! Fun! It was fun. I had fun when he said the thing. The way Sherriff Obvious has been making observations lately, you almost would’ve expected him to add, “It’s a double meaning. Do you get it? The show’s title refers to the zombies and us. The show we’re on. The Walking Dead. Do you get it?” But he didn’t do that! So that was nice. I love the character reaction shots right after Rick said the line.

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.08.12 PM.png

I read the comics and still didn’t think that was 100% necessary.

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.08.28 PM.png

I’m going to ask my agent for script approval in season 6.

Hey, by the way, did you know I had the title line in Star Wars?

5) Zombie Tornado

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.12.19 PM.png

I have never lived in an area with tornados, but I’ve seen Twister at least five times, and I don’t know how much I’m buying this whole thing. Like, really? The tornado just comes and completely kills every single zombie, fucking one guy up so bad that he now lives in a tree, and the plywood fortress our heroes reside in remains unscathed? And why didn’t they show us any of the cool zombie tornado? Why wasn’t the show just 44 minutes of zombie tornado? That sounds like a pretty good show, let’s watch that show instead.

6) LL Bean Catalogue

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 12.22.25 PM.png

Fuck a zombie apocalypse. If you silently roll up on me right now looking like you just stepped out of an LL Bean catalogue, you are immediately at the top of my “do not trust” list. If this guy was an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick. They should tell this dude to spin his Fall Collection Delivery One looking ass right around and return from whence he came. Looking forward to next week when the group links up with this seemingly nice man who will almost certainly betray them and get someone killed.

Advertisement
Advertisement