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November 03, 2012

Breaking News by Ex-News-Sive - Taylor Swift releases new song.... stay tuned for more extremely important stories!


Ex-News-sive! Press Release Nov 3, 2012: (This is a fake news article!)

Taylor swift’s new song “I’m the best person I’ve ever met” has been criticized as self-praising, delusional, and annoying and this has been before the song has been released to the general public. Even one of the Exec’s at Sony’s label called the song “stroke-inducing".

The controversy has been about the songs lyrics, which Taylor explains:

“I really like wanted to just make a song, finally, that’s honest and from my heart to my fans. I mean… um… like so much of my stuff is about other people… my ex’s, my boyfriends…. but this one is really, truly, me. I mean truly, truly meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

The lyrics, printed below have been the main target of criticism, while the music has been described as “loud”.


I-eeyeeeeyeeeeeyeeee… I’m the best yeah , I’m the best, the best I’ve ever met. The best person, the best girl, the best anything! The best person I’ve ever met.

Haters are just jealous, you wish that you could smell this, you wish that you could beeeeeeeeee … (what?)


as chill as me, as cool as me, as number one, popular and hip as me. What? Uh… you wanna know me? Ha ha! Get in line, cause only the best can get close to my behind.

Yeah, I’m the best, the best, the best, yeah the best person I’ve ever met. I’m the best, yeah, I’m the best, the best, yeah the best person I’ve ever met. Im the best! (What?) I’m the best! (You know it!) I’m the best! (Hells yeah!) I’m theeeeeeeeeeee……….. BEST!

The best! The best! (What?)

The best! The best! (Who, me?)

The best, the best! (You better believe!)

The best, the best! (Bitch!)


Guys… they wanna know me.

Girls… of course, they wanna be me.

(spoken) Alright now hold on a second… I just wanna say one thing right quick here….. all you girls… have ya’ll ever been disrespected by a man? (YEAH!) have you ever been put down, been treated done wrong, been made to feel you aint even that speeeeecial? But you know you IS? (YEAH!) Well I gots one thing to say to all ya’ll, all my bitches out there…. and you know what it is? (WHAT IS IT?)


John Mayer, you suck! (YEAH!!!!!)

(singing again)

Well I can.. go anywhere, fly anywhere, be anything I want..

I can… do anything, do anyone, get anything I want.

I’m rich! Yeah! I’m hot! Yeah! I’m cool! Yeah! Guys drool! Yeah!

I got another hit, I barely even tried this time. Maybe I should write another rhyme? (Ha ha!)

(Chorus repeated 2000000000 times)

Taylor explained the meaning behind the song:

“I mean seriously, I’m soooo sick of everyone like having to act modest all the time. Like, I know I’m great, why shouldn’t I say it? Why can’t I just tell the truth… that I’m the shizznit? I AM hot. I AM sexy. I AM a genius chick talented singer and songwriter. That’s why I called this record “You’re WELCOME.” Because I honestly think I’m really really one of the best things out there right now, if not the best, and I’m contributing so much to music, i mean I’m setting trends, I’m like the next um.. madonna-gaga, or the next beetle.  First I was a country superstar princess, then got bored of all that BS, went to like rock and pop.. Obviously people WILL look back and say how fucking sick I was. I’m not gonna play up to this girl next door, farm girl sweet girl SHIT anymore. I’m so fucking sick of it. I have to act like ‘ohh little old me?” all the time. I KNOW I’m the shit ok? I don’t need to PULL that fake act anymore and everyone by now knows I am.”

“I mean, lately I’ve been walking around, seeing dollar signs… just thinking, how did I get to be so great? The people around me? The world.. did it just like make me great? My family? Hell no! And then I realize… no… uh…. it’s ME who made me great. Duh. And this song is a real message to all the girls out there… its YOU. Its all about YOU. Whoever tries to tell you diff is just jealous. Sing this song loud and proud… in your car, wherever, and let the world know when you shout with your lungs … “IT IS ME WHO MADE ME GREAT!” Oh wow… that sounds like another song. You know what’s also great … I don’t have to rely on dating a guy and then dumping him and trashing him in songs… I have these ideas in ME. I can just talk about myself. Wow! This could be endless, I mean, I’m never running out of things to praise about myself. And everyone praises me too, so I could pull from that too! Wow! Wowee Zoweeeee!”

(Taylor then went over to the mirror and looked longingly and creepily at herself)

“Wow…. I really am the best huh? What a sweet bod too.

"..........Umm........ You're still here? Uh yeah, can a hot bitch have some privacy please?..... Wow .... You ARE a hot bitch aren't you. I'll show you the best time you've ever had, Ms. Swift... I'll take you to places you didn't know existed.... Dark places. Yipppeeee yessirreeeee..."