Remember Eddie Haskell the two-faced character on the old Leave it to Beaver TV Show? Scheming mocking Eddie always tried to put on a phony act of being courteous to adults. “Hello Mrs. Cleaver,” he would say to Beaver’s mom,just dripping with insincerity. Behind his malicious grin whatever he did—you knew Eddie was up to no good.

Greeting cards can be like that.

When we talk about greeting cards we usually think of sentiments expressed in a truthful manner, but no one has ever done a piece (this is the very first ever) on the subject of greeting cards used as subterfuge—–you know—-bullsh’t—–In other words, using a greeting card as a crutch in a disingenuous manner.

Disingenuous is another word for bullsh’t.

In other words, sending someone a card that expresses sentiments that the sender does not really mean or feel.

Let me give an example:

Once a year you get a card from your brother, a happy birthday card that other than the card, you have no contact with your brother all year long——no phone calls—-no visits—-no nothing.

The same card year after year comes to you on your birthday.This is a brother with whom you have had trouble in the past. You got in each other’s faces because you were a dysfunctional family. This brother mocked you as a pansy, a weakling, maybe even a pervert.

One way to tell if you’re from a dysfunctional family is that your parents were never afraid to mock you when you were seven years old; and they still aren’t now that you’re 49.

For some of us, happiness is family—in another city than ours.

A dysfunctional family is like a candy bar. The nuts get in the way.

For others of us—insanity doesn’t run in our family—it gallops.

The need to pretend love among non-loving relatives is messy, clinging, annoying, repetitive—like using more and more toilet paper for crap that keeps oozing. You have no love for this person and they have no love for you. In fact if the truth were known—-they don’t even like you and you’re not crazy for them either.

But yet you get this birthday card from them on your birthday each year that says “Happy Birthday” and at the bottom of the card says “LOVE” from Stephen, or Mary, or Phil, or Nancy, or whoever is sending the card.

This card represents a psychological quirk and an entire field of study could be devoted to it and has not but you’re reading it here for the first time from me.

That is:

Some people use a greeting card as a type of crutch. They don’t love you and they don’t particularly even like you and they may even despise you, but they send you a card and write on it “Love.”


Here’s the psychological part. It’s a way they can once a year fulfill what they feel is their obligation to pretend that you and they are a family even though in reality you’re not—-no phone calls ever no visits ever no nothing no contact except a card once a year—a card that expresses sentiments they don’t really mean.

By doing this it’s like you’re figuratively tucking someone into bed and turning out the light and saying “Nitey Night!”

They are able to say for themselves in their mind psychologically,“Okay, we’re good for another year I mailed you a damn card you no-good lazy bum two-bit punk stupid loser……….”

It’s a type of closure while avoiding the unpleasant truth.

In their mind they have done the right (minimal) thing. They have preserved (they think) the pretense of you and them being a family (you’re not) and maintained a dialog (limp….the card), and now they don’t have to act like you’re alive for another year until your birthday rolls around again and once again they go purchase a card and write “LOVE” on it that they don’t really mean.

In other words a greeting card can be used as a mailed printed lie. It makes the sender feel better about themselves and absolves them from responsibility for a dysfunctional relationship they don’t want to admit.

The card allows you to keep up a pretense.

How should you respond to such a card? At MemoryTag greeting cards there are several possibilities.

There is the card that eloquently and brutally says “Go F Yourself!”

I think it’s pretty funny if people who treat you like you were sh’t get angry and offended if you do the same to them.

If you send the “Go F Yourself” card to the person who sends you a crutch card it’s likely you won’t receive a birthday card from them next year on your birthday. But what have you lost? You have no contact with this person now, no good will except a birthday card they don’t really mean that’s a lie.

You might have the kind of family where they all gather for Thanksgiving under the same roof and if the police don’t get called it’s a miracle.

After all, your brother considers you to be a typical lazy bum, a coward, a mama’s boy, an anti-American traitor and a pervert. You resent this. You’re not typical.

The card that says “Birthday Hisses” with a snake might be appropriate although your brother won’t know what to make of it (hissing at something is like giving the middle finger). You can keep them guessing with this card.

MemoryTag is the card that says just about everything from happy birthday to get well cards, graduation cards, Mother’s and Father’s Day cards, sympathy cards, weddings, anniversary cards, funny cards, weird cards,Valentine’s Day cards, thank you cards, all of them a fraction of the cost of a store-bought card and all with video message capability.