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October 03, 2013

Welcome to Camp Monilauke, a co-educational camp where you'll child will receive all the outdoor activity and handjobs they can handle.

Camp Monilauke - A Co-Educational Camp

Located in historic Mona's Bridge, New Hampshire, Camp Monilauke offers a summer camp experience like no other. We nurture strong, resilient campers, helping them to learn and succeed while having a blast – and in the great tradition of co-educational camps everywhere, offering teenagers a safe, enticing place to get an unbelievable number of handjobs. 
Fun, friendship, and meaningful memories - every detail of our program is designed with those goals in mind, which in turn serves the larger goal of 
facilitating handjobs. Because Monilauke was founded on a simple philosophy: bring teenagers of both sexes together for sleepaway camp, and then let nature do its thing and turn the camp into a handjob production factory, like we’re sending these kids down two parallel assembly lines, and the kids on one conveyor belt are reaching across to the other and slamming out handjob after handjob after handjob. 

The Outdoors!

Campers of every inclination will find activities they enjoy at Monilauke. We feature over twelve team and single player sports, all of which, by their very nature, strengthen the manual dexterity and the stamina needed (in equal parts) to give and receive effective handjobs.
Sitting on the shore of sparkling Lake Orinaug, Camp Monilauke features a wide array of thrilling water sports. So when campers tire of handjobs under the tables in the dining hall (home to New England’s largest stone fireplace!), handjobs behind the climbing wall while holding onto one of the climbing grips and damn near tearing it off, handjobs underneath the cabins, handjobs out by the trash bins, handjobs in the trash bins…well, they can jump in a canoe and start paddling for the grotto on the far shore, where they can, in the midst of their own handjob, marvel at how handjobs of summers past have led to the formation of a literal semen stalagmite. 

Arts and Crafts!

Then there are our well-equipped art facilities. That art stuff is great because it brings together campers who are usually the “freakiest”, so they can practice the kinds of handjobs they enjoy. Kids like that, they pretty much turn into handjob demons the second they step out of the station wagon. We long ago recognized the need of getting them the hell out of the general population, so that was how the whole arts program came about.

Build Social Skills!

All the campers will bond through our whole-camp activities and traditions, like the weekly outdoor movie screening - a perfect chance for kids to sit in close proximity in a low-light situation that basically forces handjobs to occur. In our July and August sessions, the nights are often crisp enough to necessitate the use of blankets, which offers a degree of privacy welcomed by campers who lack an exhibitionist flair, not to mention the increased possibility of the unzipping or removal of pants and shorts, providing an unprecedented range of motion. And the number of handjobs during the Mid-Camp Dance? Oh my God - forget it. You look out over that dance floor and it’s like this one big mass, like the wave at a baseball game, except it’s happening all at once and there’s way more shuddering.

Experienced Staff!

At Monilauke, we believe it’s the staff that makes the experience. All of our counselors take part in a mandatory training program, in which they receive instruction in camper safety, dealing with homesickness, and how to not be around so much that handjobs are rushed or overly furtive, but just enough so that campers giving and receiving handjobs do not lose their "fear of being caught.”
Certified healthcare professionals are on hand to deal with physical ailments and administer medication, and the Health Hut has comfortable, modern cots for campers to rest upon in the unlikely (though not unheard of) event that they are exhausted from too many or too intense handjobs.

But don’t just take our word for it!

"Jake loved his experience at camp! It’s not so much what he’s said, but what he didn’t say—whenever we ask him how camp was, he gets this far off look in his eyes and this faint smile and then he winks at us and glides out of the room."
"Jeremy keeps asking us if we can sign him up for Monilauke for next summer. We explain that registration isn’t open yet! But he doesn’t seem to understand what we’re saying, he just keeps asking, over and over. Sometimes he’ll start doing these weird violent jerks with his pelvis, and it doesn’t seem like he can control them, and he’ll go crashing around the house like that. He’s just that excited about going back to camp!"
"Our son had to go to the hospital soon after camp ended, due to what turned out to be a previously undiagnosed congenital disease in which his testicles shrank down to a tiny size, almost as if they had been completely drained. It was a scary time for all of us, and doctors tell us we are still not out of the woods – but we are so grateful that our son got to have the fun experience of camp before this all happened."
"My daughter loved Camp Monilauke. She gave a ton of handjobs and also got her tit licked."