Full Credits

Stats & Data

August 07, 2014

Andy Rooney on Sex

  • When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory….I don’t remember what I chose.
  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  • A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
  • Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings…”
  • There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and’stop’, unless they are used together.
  • Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
  • There are three stages in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and TryWeakly.
  • Virginity can be cured.
  • Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.
  • Having sex is like playing bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
  • I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
  • Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
  • Question: What’s an Australian kiss?
  • Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
  • A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
  • Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.
  • Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?Answer: Breasts don’t have eyes.
  • Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!