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May 13, 2010


Those Were Different Times Contest #53

Introducing the JACK EMBLOW SEXTET  and their submittal to the annals of musical recording: 
Look below the picture for a list of song titles from trident that are very good.

7. 'Jack Emblow Sextet'? REALLY!?!

6. She lives in that cabinet. Now that she's done the housework she gets her reward of bread and water before going back in. She's a lucky, lucky lady.

5. That ain't no housewife! Heels? Fuck that! Broom stick? Not anywhere near a dust bunny (or anal cavity, where she prefers it) and what the HELL!? Every housewife worth her ounce in lovingly home-made potato salad will tell you that all the HOT action is in unbalanced laundry loads...one towel for all the undies in the house.

4. Wanda knew the vibrating bass from the radio would mop those blues away.

3. "Ya! I'll trade this cup o' coffee for the right to vote, you betcha!"
-trident (see below picture for a list to end all lists)

2.5. Since she discovered the deep bass of the Hi-Fi, she won’t leave it even to take nourishment.
2. The bucket is for her post-beating tears.

1. Mom and broom were so happy then, before that son of a bitch Swiffer came into the picture.

Trident's list of lists:
Re-Issue Includes Never-Before-Released Classics Like:
"Now Don't Cha Get All Fat On Me"
"You Don't Have To Work All Day Like Me, So Shut Up"
*"I Specifically Told You Stiletto Heels With Peep Toe On Tuesdays (When Did You Stop Understanding English)"
"My Boss Is Coming Over For Dinner, So Clean Yourself Up"
*"If I Catch You Talking To The Neighbors Again, I'll Tell Your Mother That You Touched Yourself In The Kitchen"
"You're Lucky I Let You Live Here"
"If My Secretary Calls, Tell Her I'm Gonna Have Great Sex With Her On My Desk

*"Another Terse Dinner With The Vague Threat Of Physical Violence (The Scrapey-Fork Song)"
"Don't Forget To Clean My Vacuum When You're Done With It"
*"If You Get Pregnant, You Know What To Do""Shut Up"
*"Didn't I Tell You To Shut Up? (Reprise)"
"Why Does My Toothbrush Smell Like Ass Juice?"
*"Why Does My Man Masturbate In The Basement All Night?"
*"Never In The Face (The Bruise Song)"

"You Missed A Spot"
"Take Off All Your Clothes & Dance"
"Tell Your Mother To Shut Up"
*"Where's My Favorite Tie? (Blaming The Dry Cleaners Won't Save You)"
"I Used To Think I Loved You, But It's Really Just Been Deep-Seated Hatred All Along (Featuring 'Danny Boy' Jameson On Drums)"
*"I Can Tell When You're Lying"
*"Does Harry's Market Sell Anything Besides Pot Roast, For Cryin' Out Loud"
"I'll Come Home When You Don't Have Your Period, Whenever That Is"
"I Smell Like A Lot Of Vaginas Because I Had To Work Late At The Office, And There's A Uh Vagina Factory That Just Opened Up Across The Street"

*thoroughly approved