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September 03, 2008


Her children have names like Track, Bristol, and Trig, effectively making her the worst parent ever.

She loves to hunt moose, not with a rifle, but with a high-tech stealth suit like the one the Predator wears.

When she saw the movie "30 Days of Night", about an army of vampires invading a small Alaskan town while it went without sunlight for a month, she declared a state of emergency, grabbed a gun and a cross and marched to the town.

Republicans say she is more experienced than Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and John McCain. Meaning that they think we're screwed whoever we vote for.

They also say she is the most experienced in foreign policy because Alaska is next to Russia. I wish I made that up.

Sex tapes featuring her are shown nightly on Cinemax. Look for the sexy, naughty librarian.

She doesn't believe in evolution. George W. Bush serves as a good example.

When she found out that Trig would be born with Down's Syndrome, she opted to keep the baby. She needed the doorstop.

Throughout the 80's she had a serious steriod problem. She successfully kicked it, but still looks back fondly on her career as "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

Her vetting process was basically outlined in the movie "Rambo", and said to McCain "That's what I'm gonna do to you" whenever Rambo killed a guy.