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330Funny
45Die
12,978
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September 16, 2015
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Mike at Funny Or Die Tries to take exiting CEO Dick Glover’s office


It was announced yesterday that Funny Or Die CEO, Dick Glover, has been named CEO of Mandalay Sports.

Here, Mike at FOD asks Ruth in HR for his office.


To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: Dibs on Dick’s office

Hello, Ruth!! Just got word Dick Glover is stepping down as CEO from FOD. That’s too bad and he’ll be missed blah blah blah but just wanted to go ahead and call dibs on his office.
Thank you!

Mike

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Hi Mike,
I’m afraid you can’t call ‘dibs’ on Dick’s office. Sorry.

Best,
Ruth
Funny Or Die – Human Resources

To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Ew did somebody beat me?? No offense but that’s not fair because I only just got to the office 10 mins ago so found out later than everyone.

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Hi again Mike,
First off, it’s very late in the afternoon for you to just be getting in 10 minutes ago.
But, more importantly, you can’t call dibs on the office because it’s going to the new CEO.

- Ruth

To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Oh, I can be the new CEO? I’ll just do that then. Thank you for the heads up!!!!
Do me a favor and order the following posters for my new office:

• John Baloochy “College”
• Pamela Anderson big boobs posters (two, please)
• Life is Full of Important Choices with dudes playing flip cup or some shit

They’re all available at Spencer’s Gifts and one of them should be free cause I have a punch card. (I go a lot.)

- Mike

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Mike, I think you’re confused. I wasn’t offering you the CEO position. Also that is a shockingly incorrect way to spell Belushi.

Clearly, any CEO decisions will be coming from the board.

To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Well I’m a little “board” of this conversation! Lolol jk! (sorta not jk though)

It’s just that, as CEO of Funny Or Die, I kinda have a lot more on my plate now. Gonna start writing content for the website and stuff.

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Mike, you were already supposed to be writing content for the website. It’s truly insane if you weren’t aware.

To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

WHOOPS! Blame that on the old leadership I guess. Speaking of my new position though, whatever Dick was making I need to make 3x as much. (Inflation, cost of living, need more posters in office, etc.)

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Mike, I’m afraid if this continues, I’m going to have to loop in your boss.

To: HR@funnyordie.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Well good news, I’m the CEO so I don’t have a boss?? I’m gonna have to loop in yours though — which is me! Can you please step into my office?

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

You don’t HAVE an office!

To: HR@funnyordie.com
CC: BenCarlson@gmail.com
From: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Um, if you remember from the beginning of this email chain, yes I do. That’s how this whole thing started. It’s that nice corner one that used to say “Dick Glover” but now says “Captain Sex Jock.”

Speaking of — who do I talk to about getting captainnsexjock@funnyordie.com? Please confer with my new assistant who is cc'ed on this email.

To: mikescollins69@funnyordie.comm
CC: BenCarlson@gmail.com
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

If you just hired an assistant, you’re in a lot of trouble.

To: HR@funnyordie.com
CC: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
From: BenCarlson@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

Hi, Ruth! I’m Ben Carlson! Nice to meet you! The Capt’n said I can have his old desk since he won’t be needing it anymore.

To: BenCarlson@gmail.com
CC: mikescollins69@funnyordie.com
From: HR@funnyordie.com
Subject: RE: Dibs on Dick’s office

That’s correct, he won’t be.

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