Reading the paper today my Bovine Excrement Detector went off with a jingle-jangle alarm that just about broke my eardrums. I really enjoy how this wonderful piece of technology deciphers, translates and transposes what our loveable politicians say. I’d like to give you an example of how this all works.
First let’s look at the direct quotes from our newly elected leaders, from both Canada and the United States.
TORONTO STAR: Nov. 24th,
Quote from Steven Harper the newly elected Prime Minister of Canada.
“The most recent private sector forecasts suggest the strong possibility of a technical recession the end of the year, the beginning of next.”
“This is a worrying development one of the reasons why it may well ne necessary to take unprecedented fiscal stimulus.”
Then, later, President Obama was quoted as –supporting a $50 billion dollar Detroit bail-out plan. In fact, Senior White House Advisor, David Axelrod, said “We all have a stake in the survival and the prosperity of the auto industry.”
Well, well, well the Bovine Excrement Detector went into high gear, first pumping out these translations and definitions.
Private Sector Forecast: A bunch of rich guys who make predictions so that little guys like us invest in their companies, and not unlike a WEATHER FORECAST, the accuracy of their prediction is just as unreliable.
Technical Recession: As apposed to a non-technical recession, this recession is caused by the screwed up technology we have, where computers crunch numbers at lightning speed and even kids in daycare are apprised of the ins and outs of every blip in the economy. No wonder the financial world bobs up and down, around and over like an out of control roller coaster. We the people keep buying the freakin’tickets.
Unprecedented Fiscal Stimulus” Spend, spend, spend, spend, spend in a manner that has never before been seen in order stimulate economic growth. The detector would rather us refer to this as FECAL stimulus, because we’re all going to pot anyway. Flush those dollars down, boys!
Stake: You’re gonna pay through the nose sucker!
But the beauty of the Bovine Excrement Detector is that it synthesizes, analyses and then spits out a layman’s summary of every bit of the BS that has been spewed out for the day. I offer this transcript to you for your perusal.
Harper, Obama, Axelrod et al – TRANSLATION AND REPORT
“We’re gonna spend a shitload of your money, folks. Well, maybe it’s not your money yet because actually, we’re going to have to borrow it from someone else. But we’ll use your future taxes, your kid’s future taxes and your grandkid’s future taxes as collateral. Yes, indeed, if you feel like you can’t spend the little money you have now, we’ll gladly spend it for you. Go ahead and be conservative financially, because we’ll put money into places you wouldn’t dream of investing in and we’ll support bad management decisions, too. And, the money you might be sheltering now –don’t worry be happy- we’ll snatch it away in the very near future. As for debt load, don’t even think about it, because the governments debt load makes yours look like chicken shit. Have faith in deficit financing because like your teenage daughter often says to you, “Everybody s doing it!” Fellow citizens we have everything to gain (because crap doesn’t run up hill) and nothing to lose (because we have nothing left). After all, good citizens, we’ve got 700 billion dollars to blow –and it’s freakin’ Christmas!”