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October 01, 2013

The government is shut down, but that doesn't mean your life has to, as well.

The government may be shutdown, but here are some ways you can live it up!

  • Plan a picnic
  • Go visit a national park to enjoy that picnic
  • Be denied access to said national park
  • Demand to nobody in particular that the park ranger grant you access
  • When nobody shows, stand outside park and scream "COWARD" 
  • Go to your local representative to complain
  • Remember the picnic lunch you've made is getting cold
  • Stop and enjoy that lunch before it's too late
  • Get a stomach ache because you ate too fast
  • Go to the hospital and demand you see the best doctor they've got
  • Get told that you'll have to wait a few hours like everyone else
  • Exclaim "Is this what my tax dollars go to? Waiting like some idiot?"
  • Take a look at all the blank faces staring back at you and go "That's what I thought"
  • Realize it was probably just a tummy ache from eating too fast and slowly back out
  • Go back to your local representative to complain about the service in this town
  • Walk past a post-office
  • Remember you got a mail slip for a package
  • Get your package
  • Begin to wonder if since the post office is open, perhaps the parks are open again
  • Return to the national park with your package
  • Be denied access again
  • Act out the fight that you'd have with the park ranger and tell him to meet you outside in 10 minutes
  • When he doesn't show, stand outside park and scream "COWARD" again at the top of your lungs
  • Injure your lungs from all the screaming you're doing
  • Go back to your local representative to complain 
  • On your way, mutter things like "Obamacare" and shrug at strangers
  • Start giving everyone in town the stink eye 
  • Shout "I'll give you a shutdown" and point toward your crotch
  • Get arrested for public indecency
  • Reason if the police are open, then perhaps the parks are open again
  • Kindly request the cops bring you to a national park
  • Get released from custody with just a misdemeanor
  • Head back to that representative of yours. He still deserves a piece of your mind.
  • Suddenly feel tired again. You've had a big day.
  • Realize you're getting on in years and go to apply for social security benefits
  • Be told that they are accepting no new applicants due to staff reduction
  • Scream "COWARDS" at the overworked, reduced staff
  • Feel sort of bad about it. They seem tired.
  • Realize you never opened that package you picked up earlier
  • Open it to find season passes to the Smithsonian from your Uncle Reese
  • Travel cross-country to our nation's capitol, thinking that hey, maybe this old country of ours isn't so bad after all
  • Skip eagerly up to the entrance of the Smithsonian, whistling "Stars and Stripes Forever"
  • Be denied access as it, too, is closed due to the Shutdown
  • Run full speed all the way back to the park screaming "COWARDS" the entire way
  • Pass out from exhaustion
  • Stare up at the sky pondering how political gridlock has gotten so bad in this country
  • Remember you were in the middle of a pretty serious audit by the IRS which has been put on hold thanks to the shutdown
  • Whistle "Stars and Stripes Forever"