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October 01, 2013
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The government is shut down, but that doesn't mean your life has to, as well.

The government may be shutdown, but here are some ways you can live it up!

  • Plan a picnic
  • Go visit a national park to enjoy that picnic
  • Be denied access to said national park
  • Demand to nobody in particular that the park ranger grant you access
  • When nobody shows, stand outside park and scream "COWARD" 
  • Go to your local representative to complain
  • Remember the picnic lunch you've made is getting cold
  • Stop and enjoy that lunch before it's too late
  • Get a stomach ache because you ate too fast
  • Go to the hospital and demand you see the best doctor they've got
  • Get told that you'll have to wait a few hours like everyone else
  • Exclaim "Is this what my tax dollars go to? Waiting like some idiot?"
  • Take a look at all the blank faces staring back at you and go "That's what I thought"
  • Realize it was probably just a tummy ache from eating too fast and slowly back out
  • Go back to your local representative to complain about the service in this town
  • Walk past a post-office
  • Remember you got a mail slip for a package
  • Get your package
  • Begin to wonder if since the post office is open, perhaps the parks are open again
  • Return to the national park with your package
  • Be denied access again
  • Act out the fight that you'd have with the park ranger and tell him to meet you outside in 10 minutes
  • When he doesn't show, stand outside park and scream "COWARD" again at the top of your lungs
  • Injure your lungs from all the screaming you're doing
  • Go back to your local representative to complain 
  • On your way, mutter things like "Obamacare" and shrug at strangers
  • Start giving everyone in town the stink eye 
  • Shout "I'll give you a shutdown" and point toward your crotch
  • Get arrested for public indecency
  • Reason if the police are open, then perhaps the parks are open again
  • Kindly request the cops bring you to a national park
  • Get released from custody with just a misdemeanor
  • Head back to that representative of yours. He still deserves a piece of your mind.
  • Suddenly feel tired again. You've had a big day.
  • Realize you're getting on in years and go to apply for social security benefits
  • Be told that they are accepting no new applicants due to staff reduction
  • Scream "COWARDS" at the overworked, reduced staff
  • Feel sort of bad about it. They seem tired.
  • Realize you never opened that package you picked up earlier
  • Open it to find season passes to the Smithsonian from your Uncle Reese
  • Travel cross-country to our nation's capitol, thinking that hey, maybe this old country of ours isn't so bad after all
  • Skip eagerly up to the entrance of the Smithsonian, whistling "Stars and Stripes Forever"
  • Be denied access as it, too, is closed due to the Shutdown
  • Run full speed all the way back to the park screaming "COWARDS" the entire way
  • Pass out from exhaustion
  • Stare up at the sky pondering how political gridlock has gotten so bad in this country
  • Remember you were in the middle of a pretty serious audit by the IRS which has been put on hold thanks to the shutdown
  • Whistle "Stars and Stripes Forever"
 
 

 

 

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