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Stats & Data

December 02, 2011


So the last post was right around the beginning of the Sandusky ordeal, and this one was right after JoePa was fired as the head coach of Penn State University. I actually stayed up until about one in the morning to watch all of the initial coverage.

Wasn't it sad how Joe kept walking his disillusioned ass outside of his house to offer his comments to the supportive students and thus produce a news reporter's dream of a video clip? And did you hear how they fired him? They sent this man a letter; and inside the letter he had specific instructions to call a telephone number.  After calling the number, Paterno was informed that he was no longer the coach of the Penn State football Nittany Lions. That's some shady shit.  That's like mailing a letter to your girlfriend instructing her to call a phone number unfamiliar to her, only to tell her "it's fucking over" upon receiving her call.

This article was posted on a new day of the week since Thursday Night Football was making it's season debut.  Which meant I was now spending Tuesdays and Thursdays at my day job trying to get these articles written and posted by the end of the work day.  Thursdays were (I guess I can say "are" since I am currently still doing it) especially difficult since I needed to include quotes (texts) from the other league owners. Speaking of such, I would not like to take away from the contributions of the league owners. This would not be a possibility without your contribution.  Okay, it's done. Don't say I never thanked you.


Professional Blues = me (Fox)

my ninjas = black

Jack D Rocks = brown

Legion of Doom = blue

RamRods = red

Bastard Mutants = orange

T. Green? = green

AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)

CANT WAIT = turquoise

Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)







FaNasty News Around The League (Week 10)

Thursday,11/10 3:45PM - And so it all ends for JoePa. And boy did he go out with a bang. If you rearrange that previous sentence, you can actually decipher what Sandusky is accused of doing on multiple occasions. We would like to immediately shift our attention to the elephant in the room--it's Thursday! Yes, it's that great time of the year when the FN staff starts their week a day earlier. Thanks to TNF, we now bring our weekly ATL segment on a new day. Don't worry, we won't change. We still will take a brief (but brilliantly thorough) look into each of the FaNasty weekly matchups. We have another week of crucial contests, and we'll have an even better idea of who's real and who's pretending (cough..my ninjas..cough) come next Tuesday. We could have sworn we saw M*** L***'s Team Formerly Known As Bruce Blingstein club projected at triple digit points this week, but it'll take much more to sway the league's decision of their *automatic win* status. To be honest, the FN staff is starting to feel bad for the guy. On a brighter note, let's have a look at week ten.

To say the recent woes of D** O********'s my ninjas are surprising would be absolutely untrue. Aside from Aaron Rodgers, O******** spent most of his draft picks selecting players out of what appeared to be thin air. He's fallen off the wagon as of late, but it appears there's a definite reason for his team's mishaps over the past few weeks. We caught up with my ninjas owner D** O******** earlier this morning and asked him why his team has been so pathetic. He quickly replied, "Someone has been leaking my pregame speeches and gameplans for the last five weeks." He then assured the media that his team would get back to their winning ways as soon as the mole is discovered. Hopefully this *automatic win* week will give O******** and my ninjas leadership enough time to smoke out this so-called mole. We're not even sure who would want to get their hands on O********'s pregame speeches and gameplans. But if this is indeed true, death by firing squad for the mole. my ninjas need to make getting their shit together their top priority during this *automatic win* week, because they could be out of the hunt in the blink of an eye.

Both of these clubs find themselves in the middle bubble of the league, but the teams have taken very different paths to get here. J*** C******'s RamRods are going through a slump of sorts, while Adam's AK-47 club is starting to show playoff life. Since coming out of his shell recently, C****** has become a FN media darling during his weekly conferences. About last week's loss and this week's matchup, C****** said he was "disappointed in the squad but looking forward to getting back on track this week." I asked if he planned on mixing up the roster, but he said there was no need and that his team was going to have a big week. AK-47 owner Adam was not available for comment this week, which I see as a terribly bad omen. If you can recall, Adam's win streak began once he started opening up to the media. With not a single word for FN reporters yesterday or today, I see an unfortunate step backwards for his club this weekend. Funny how things work out that way. (RamRods -19.5)

Don't look now, but T** P******'s T. Green? club has quietly crept into fourth place, and he's done it with class. Week in and week out, P****** has dedicated his time to improving his team and steering clear of the outrageous bullshit that often goes on in this league. P****** felt that it was easy to beat up on a chump like C****** last week, but he showed nothing but respect for JDR owner S** C*******. "[S**] makes timely moves and always gives his team a chance to win." Hopefully those chances fare better for S** in the second half of the season, because he's 3 for 9 so far in converting chances into actual wins. P****** also noted that while this week is a test, he will not play into the antics of C*******'s "outspoken nature," and instead let his players do the talking. And from class we now move to trash. Since about week six or seven, Jack D Rocks owner S** C******* has become one of the most ruthless and polarizing figures in the league. His trash-talk knows no boundaries, and his confidence accepts no limits. The problem: his team is 3-6. And S**'s comments this week had nothing to do with his matchup, as he instead provided us with a list of things that he "doesn't like" and "fucking hates." Names on the former list included the Chicago Cubs, gin, Drew Barrymore, Osama bin Laden, and the Twilight movies. The latter consisted of John Starks, Vincent Jackson (long-time friend of FN), and "T. Greens". No comment on S**'s thoughts other than he may be trying a different approach leading into this week's contest. JDR consistently plays well but also consistently comes up short, and I see more of the same this week. (T. Green? -13.5)

CANT WAIT owner E***** S****** knew that he played a tough opponent in the Bastard Mutants last week, and he commented that Mutants owner D** S***** "knows what he's doing." He also is not the least bit sad to be removing Curtis Painter from the starting rotation, claiming that Painter "sucks and looks like a homo." With his roster almost at full strength, S****** feels that it's time to start taking advantage of weaker opponents like Fox's P Blues. Upon hearing E*****'s comments, Professional Blues owner responded by saying, "Weaker opponent relative to whom? To the majority of the league? No. Weaker relative to his team? No. It appears for the second week in a row I am playing someone who doesn't know what this league is about and who also needs a healthy fuckin' slice of humble pie this weekend." Since starting 2-3, the PB Squad has ripped off four straight wins on the nimble weekly gameplanning of their owner Fox coupled with the weekly breakout games from their star players. E***** may feel that his team is stronger, but look for Chef Blues to serve S******'s CAN'T WAIT club a good portion of that humble pie Fox was talking about. (Professional Blues -11.5)

In the final matchup of 'Rematch Week', S*****'s Mutants revisit B** J****'s Legion of Doom for a matchup of league heavyweights. We briefly got a second with S***** on his way inside the club facilities, to which he had "no comment" for our reporters. J**** had a little more to say, but he was also brief. "Big matchup against a true Bastard." There is clearly no love-loss between the teams, as both owners are tenured originals in the FaNasty league and have been battling each other for several years. S***** bounced back from a humiliating loss (Corpse Booty Scandal) to remain in second place, and a win this week would put him one loss out of the league's top spot. S***** spends so much time gameplanning and watching film in his team facilities that he simply leaves his house shoes and all of his porn in his office. Wise man. J**** has been coasting all season, and he finds himself coming into the weekend as the underdog for the first time all year. I just don't see the Legion losing since I haven't seen it in so long, so this will be my first and only dog of the week. (Legion of Doom +5.5)

-FaNasty News