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May 02, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com. Thank you.

In light of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, a British parliamentary committee stated that Rupert Murdoch is not fit to run a major company. Which is also the nicest thing a group of British people has ever said about an Australian.

A U.S. government official said that steps are being taken to combat the threat of bombs implanted inside airplane passengers. Said the official, "Two words: Tiny. Dogs."

Bristol Palin wrote on her blog, "I don’t envy the next vice-presidential nominee. After all…Sarah Palin is a tough act to follow.” Emphasis on "act."

The New York Knicks' Amar'e Stoudemire injured himself after he punched the glass case of a fire extinguisher. Though you'd freak out too if you thought the NBA Jam ball was following you.

President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan today. Afghani officials were hoping he was bringing justice for the families that were murdered in the night a month ago, but yes, a basket of oranges is also a treat.

In other Obama news, a Washington think tank says that as many as 300 civilians have been killed by drones since he took office. Leaving about 1,700 more until we can say we finally avenged 9/11.

This morning, protesters in Manhattan reportedly chanted "get a job" at bankers. The bankers were mostly confused about how their moms assembled so quickly.

Of her husband, Ann Romney said, “There is a wild and crazy man inside there.” But keep in mind, this is her idea of wild and crazy: http://www.buzzpirates.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/wild_and_crazy_guys.jpg

Osama bin Laden supposedly considered changing the name of al Qaeda because of so many blunders. And don't even get him started on how annoying it is when some articles capitalize "al" and others don't!

The FBI arrested five men who placed explosives that they had purchased from undercover agents on a bridge in Cleveland. The last time people that angry were arrested in Cleveland was Sunday.

Warner Bros. has released a third trailer for "The Dark Knight Rises." Particularly exciting was when Christian Bale's Batman says to Bain, "Grumble grumble!" and Bane replies, "Menacing hiss menacing hiss."