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FEB. 13, 2012

 

A man in Kentucky was arrested for breaking into an IGA, wearing nothing except for a pair of boots he had smothered in chocolate and peanut butter.

In addition to his breaking and entering charges, the man has been issued a Reese-training order.

 

Residents of France are heavily criticizing the idea to construct a statue in honor of their country’s First Lady Carla Bruni.

Making it the first time Carla Bruni has ever had trouble with an erection.  

 

Two Chicago lawyers claim that John Wayne Gacy, the 1970s killer notorious for dressing like a clown, might have been working with accomplices.

Nobody’s been caught yet however police do have two serious suspects:

 

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A woman in Houston claims that her breast implants saved her life in a recent car accident, cushioning her blow after her air bags failed to deploy.

Who needs Triple A when you have Double D?

 

The New Jersey Senate has finally passed a bill that will legalize same-sex marriage in their state.  

New Jersey decided to let gay men and women get married upon realizing that their straight men and women aren’t exactly up to par.

 

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Hugh Hefner’s son Marston was arrested this weekend but promptly released on $20,000 bail.

He’s apologized for breaking the law yet admits he was ecstatic at the chance to wear a pair of non-fuzzy handcuffs.

Hefner’s son is also glad he wasn’t sent to a men’s jail because he already lives in a women’s prison.

 

@TheMichaelLake

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