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February 27, 2013

Miss Snike, Take #1

I take off my suit jacket and take a seat. Will Ferrell, He.... He....  He.... Touches me spiritually. And hopefuly, one day, quite literally. Only my penis, at first, Like a lumberjack man-hand, ready to receive a handful of creamy, porridge-like marmalade. I've asked him to receive my man seed with a jovial "Si Senor, Tis Good, Tis Good". You see, I myself am much like a butt pirate from mars, who spams planets with GIFs of Mariah Carey sniffing her titty sweat. On Sundays, me and Brother Floyd dress up in various cowboy outfits, with cowboy hats and all, reminding fellow man that we are The Anal Tweezing Bandits, Ryan Seacrest's face is a contraceptive, and we do enjoy marmalade popsicles that came from the vagina cavity of his neighbor's aquaintances coworker's friend's daugher with a lisp from hell. Her name was Abigail. I was invited to her house for cocktails on her 21st birthday, where her friend Nancy proceeded to pass out drinks with pussy blood in them, telling all of the guests "It's grenadine! It's grenadine!" One guy named Tom got so angry he literally held her grandmother hostage at gunpoint, and didn't let her leave until the entire family devoured a meatloaf containing half a sock, Frank The Cat's hairball, and 63 anal butt hairs, dingle berries and all. And then, right when they were about to let everyone go, they changed their minds and were all like "Fuck that shit, we're gonna wait til Granny gets us some titty milk." Then they had to wait 3 weeks until Granny could produce enough milk for the O'Henrys, and that was a prank in itself because the milk was from a 92 year old woman whose diet consisted of dingleberry meatloaf. And then the O'Nellies went and found a bunch of ass-licking pictures in their neighbor Miss Snike's panty drawer while they were supposed to be watching her dog while she was away on vacation, so they flooded the internet with 'The Photoshop Edition' of the stolen pictures with "Munchin' On Cheeks" captions. To get them back, she hired a midget to ass rape them (without mercy, mind you) and then she flooded the internet with those pictures with a whole entire photoset she called "Munchkins On Cheeks". So whether they were into Munchkins On Cheeks or Munchin' On Cheeks, the sex drive of that crowd belonged to a whole new breed of freak!