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September 13, 2016

I hope my daughter will finally realize that these internet stars are all scared little kids just like her.

1) Zayden, the prank kid who pretends to be blind, is still on his vision quest and runs into a bunch of Australian prank kids called the “Prankaninnies.”

I guess Zayden’s been in the desert trying to hallucinate some kind of purpose to his life for almost a full week, so I can understand why the poor kid is at the end of his rope.

But then these Aussie pranksters showed up and took Zayden back to Twen Fest, which is good ‘cause I thought Zayden could use a nice, cold Gatorade before start licking toads or something crazy like that, but I tell you what, I really don’t like the looks of these Prankaninnies one bit.

I mean, they all look like they came out of that Mad Max movie. I didn’t really get that movie, ‘cause at first they’re running away and then they’re going back where they came from, and no one barely says a gosh darn word the whole time, but I do know that they don’t give one lick about the rules. But Zayden joins up with them anyway because he’s just looking for a place to belong.

Honestly, I think it’s the same reason that Kaitlyn makes me drive her to the mall so she can hangs out with those kids who just sit around the food court.

Anyway, at first the Prankaninnies can’t get into Tween Fest, which I think they’re upset about, but I can’t say for certain because I can barely understand a word coming out of their mouths.

But Zayden gets the Prankainnies into TweenFest with his VIP passes and they induct him into their gang and start calling him Zigby Bolloway and now it’s like he’s a whole other person with an Australian accent and everything. Speaking of which, the other day Kaitlyn told me and my wife that she wants to be called “Kay” now because she wants to “choose her identity” and I was about ready to tell her that if that was the case she could “choose” another roof to live under, but the wife made me go sit in the car in the garage to cool off before I said anything and thank God she did because things are tough enough between me and “Kay” as it is.

Anyway, the Prankaninnies start doing their pranks at TweenFest. Zayden scares a girl from behind a trashcan tries to prove that she’s being homophobic towards garbage people.

But those Aussie weirdos tell him that their pranks don’t have to have a point, they just like to pretend they’re got erections or trick people into playing one of those didgeridoos, but it’s full of caw-caw.

I just don’t get what’s so funny about that kinda stuff. Reminds me of when I was pledging a fraternity and they were gonna make us do a “cat walk” where we had to strip down naked and go around the quadrangle holding a garden hose between our bum cheeks. Didn’t seem like it had a lot do with “building a brotherhood of charitable scholars” to me, so I quit right there and then.

2) Madissyn is wearing a mask now and going online and showing how all of the TweenFest acts are actual total phoney baloneys.

Maddissyn is hiding out in a tent and trying to be a part of The Anonymous, which I think are those computer hackers that go online and send nasty emails to bakeries that don’t make cakes for gay weddings, except she’s pulling back the curtain on a bunch of these internet celebrities.

I can understand why her dad is steamed up…

But honestly, I was happy that they had this part in the show because my daughter, Kaitlyn, gets so wrapped up and obsessed with these things that I think it’s good for her to healthy for her to realize that these internet stars are just scared little kids like her.

Anyway, things really get wild when Maddissyn tells everybody that Lexii C., the girl who everyone loves because of her messages on that money app VendMore has actually been ripping off her messages from other people on VendMore.

I feel for the poor girl because I’m sure she was just putting a lot of pressure on herself. But if you’re stealing other people’s work the chickens are always gonna come home to roost, wether you’re on the internet or your a local Certified Public Account. If you’re reading this, that goes for you too, Steve Wern. I made up the slogan “Your everyday CPA” and you stole it and you know it and in case you don’t know it you can ask anybody who’s gotten a pizza delivered with one of my flyers stapled to the box in the past 10 years.

Anyway, Lexii C is all upset and she runs into Zayden and begs him for help…

But he pretends not to know her because he’s Australian and mean now.

Again, I feel for the poor girl because I go through pretty much the same thing every time I pick Kaitlyn from swim practice. I mean, can a guy get a gosh darn smile at least?

3) The Prankannines show Zayden that they’ve got a mountain lion in a tent and tell him that they’re gonna let it loose at TweenFest.

Apparently this thing followed Todd back to Tween Fest from the mountain lion preserve because it could smell the scent of tweens on him and these weirdo Aussies captured it for a laugh?

Maybe I just don’t get Australian humor but I doubt that’s the case because I nearly peed my Wranglers during every single one of the ‘Crocodile Dundee’ movies.

Anyway, the Prankaninnies are gonna try and get the lion to attack at TweenFest and Zayden or Zigby or whatever his name is now does’t look like he knows what to do, because this whole thing went from doo-doo flutes to murder real quick.

I thought this might be a good “teaching moment” for me and Kaitlyn so I told her that me and her mom would never get mad at her if she told us if her friends were going to do something bad and she told me that I sounded like a “gay-ass Mr. Rogers.” Well, if trying to instill some morals into my child makes me a gay-ass Mr. Rogers, that’s fine by me. Man, the things we do for our kids, huh?

Anyway, if you want to see what all the hub-bub is about, you can watch Tween Fest for free on go90. They got new episodes every Wednesday, which I think is “dope,” even if my daughter says I can’t say that.