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Andy Newton & Matt Newton

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January 18, 2014

We've developed a more precise rating system for nudity on cable TV.

Nothing like sitting down to a fun filled evening of some expensive pay-cable entertainment on a channel like Showtime or HBO. Yes, the fantasy land where people know the word "fuck" and have genitals. As America should be, these channels go to great lengths to let us know just what kind of gratuitous experience we are in for, so that we can make an informed decision about the program we are about to watch. More often than not, though, the tame "MA-N: Nudity" just refers to the 20 seconds of flaccid wang bouncing around the screen during a brawl outside a whore house, and you've just wasted an hour of your life hoping to see some boobs.

So, for the inaugural installment of TheBrabble's Great Idea Series, we present a more precise nudity rating system for all those beloved Cable TV channels. With our great minds, you'll now be able to make a truly informed decision about the program you are about to watch.

MA-LP: Light Penetration

MA-DSB: Definite Side-Boob

MA-MBBMMA: Mild Bush But Mostly Man Ass

MA-SGOBFT: Some Good 'Ol Big Floppin' Titties

MA-MP: Moderate Penetration

MA-ULUDGVWADVRS: Unreasonably Long Underside Double-Grundle Viewing Worth A DVR Spot

MA-NHNBSNE: Not a hint of nipple. Better skip to the next episode.

MA-LT: Lady on Top

MA-SGGSWOSHDFAYGRUBYHLHUCFYNTTD: Some guy’s gonna suddenly walk out of the shower with his dong flapping about, and you’ll get really uncomfortable because you have a lot of hang-ups and conflicted feelings you’ve never taken the time to deal with.

MA-JWTMP: Just Way Too Much Penetration

MA-ONTINWCAYTTBNOYKIDPCRAEIALYNGSOLCSHCAENTOAYBHSNASYKOBAOTAJST WITAAICNRPIIINJNTCBIIAFNJABBGIDSMARTLIYTHBILINWDSNJABYKDEAYYMSSJFHBBS: Okay, now, there is nudity. We can assure you of that. There’s a bit of nudity, only, you know, it doesn’t play a central role in the action of the episode, is all. Like, you’re not going to see one of the lead characters shed her clothes or anything, especially not that one actress you’ve been hoping to see naked all season; you know, the one with the bangs and the accent. Oh, that accent! Jesus, she’s terrific. Where is that accent from, anyway? I can never really place it. Is it New Jersey? No, that can’t be it. I’ve always found the New Jersey accent to be a bit grating. It’s definitely from somewhere in the Mid-Atlantic region, though. Long Island! Yeah, that has to be it. Long Island. Not wholly different from the strict New Jersey accent, but, you know, distinctive. Endearing. Anyway, yeah, you might see some john fondle a hooker’s breasts in the background somewhere.

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