COLUMBUS, OH— With a fleeting youth rattling his mind, a 37-year-old man from Ohio has constructed a bucket list for the ages. Upon completing approximately 20 or so ideas for the list, he picked up the page and quickly realized that approximately 70% of the list consisted of various hallucinogens, deliriants, and stimulants. He’s also reportedly never been go-karting, so that was placed prominently at the #2 slot.
“Look, I just wanted my list to be original,” he defended. “Everyone always has these exciting adventures on their lists. ‘Oh, I want to travel to sub-saharan Africa.’ Who gives a shit? Sure, my list might have a few more drugs then most lists, but everyone has their own journey.”
Upon further inspection, the list had specified up to 4 derivatives of the powerful hallucinogen LSD. Not only that, but their were multiple entries for ingesting cocaine in different ways; the man argues that depending on the method of ingestion, it may lead to entirely new and “life-altering” experiences.
“I originally had upwards of 50 things on this list. I was going to reunite with my father, rekindle a relationship with my distant son, and lose 30 pounds. But, I did unfortunately have to scrap those items because there are just a ton of different strains of shrooms- seriously, look that shit up! It’s crazy,” he said with a gleaming light in his eye that only mind-altering substances could induce.