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Published February 10, 2010 More Info »
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Published February 10, 2010
THE COMMUNIST PANERA BREAD. It was my day to take mom out to lunch. I suggested the new Smash Burger that opened up in the new shopping mall that sprang up last summer complete with Costco and a Lows. My nephew Nick was over at her house and wanted to go( of course) so we sloshed through the slush to Smash Burger and proceeded to go in. Smash Burger posted menu on the outside of the door listed all their juicy treats at a baseline of about 6 bills. Suddenly the threesome froze as my Nephew said aloud “Hey there’s a Panera!!!!!” Activating my mothers grandmotherly instincts to “try and Connect” to the lost generation. So there we are in The Communist Panera Bread soup kitchen, looking at the million menu combo possibilities. And My Yuppie meter was bamping I mean breaking the glass, The parking lot was full of Subaru (leading me to believe it may just be a Lesbian hang out.). The uneasy feeling of Communism crept into my brain as I imagined the best of Russian Society pre-1989 probably stood in lines like this in Moscow to get their ration of soup and bread. But I awoke from that daydream when the guy told me that would be forty dollars and like ninety-two cents. As I choked down the hard bread cold sandwich and drank the broccoli cheese soup I heard my nephew exclaim how great this place was while he sat before his unfinished almost untouched thirteen dollar plate of bread bowled soup and what ever else that was he had. I guess its not really Panera Bread at all. I think its me. I just am still so 80’s. Where things that are cool today, isn’t really cool to me. I came to that conclusion while I was busting the table. As I walked out I realized I spent almost fifty bills completely waited on myself and busted my own table. Man if this is the future MJ fox me back to 88 that would be great. And don’t get me started about the Barney Babies running these joints. Fuck!!!!!!!!!! Where did all the Nut Sacks go? Jesus. Ok all kids need…. Enough cash to get a basket of cheese fries and a tank of gas so you can cruise- that’s all you need. A clean back seat and a tank of gas. Go live. Live like an American. Fuck the Communist bread lines.
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