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October 09, 2016

You'll be a yuuuge hit.

@FuckedUpElection16 hey u up?

It’s October and we all know what that means: pumpkin spiced everything, lots and lots of cuffing, and of course, Halloween. If you’re like most, then searching for that perfect costume causes you a good deal of stress. While the 2016 election has been all kinds of messed up, at least it has provided us with a handful of great costume ideas.

Check out these 11 election-themed DIY costumes. Together we can make Halloween great again.

1) Hillary Clinton’s social media strategy


From the beginning it was clear that the Clinton campaign made it a focus to reach millennials. From selfies to snapchat to emoji-filled tweets, Clinton and her team met millennials on their own turf: Social media. Whether you found it to be successful or unauthentic, any time you can incorporate the poop emoji into a costume is hashtag good.

What you’ll need:
-1 Hillary Clinton mask
-1 Pantsuit
-Inflatable emojis (Amazon, duh)
-An unwavering passion for taking complex issues and turning them into 140 character sentences

2) Ted Cruz puppet


You’ve seen ventriloquists, sure, maybe a pinocchio or two, but have you seen Ted Cruz: The Puppet? It’s the perfect Halloween costume if you just can’t make up your mind. Even if you’ve already promised your friends that you’ll go in on something with them, you can change your mind, go against your principles and be a Ted Cruz puppet. That’s what Ted Cruz would want. Or is it what he would want? I don’t even think he knows anymore (#TedCruz2020).

*Bonus: For an added thrill get a friend to go as Donald Trump and just follow them around all night.

What you’ll need:

-1 Ted Cruz mask (unless you already look like him)
-Puppet materials
-A positive attitude
-Commitment to doing awkward stuff all night. Like this. Or this.
-An excitement for changing your mind even if it hurts your family members and pride


3) Trump’s foreign policy


It’s no secret that Donald Trump has been lackluster, to put it kindly, in regards to his “policies.” In fact, most of the time his explanations just involve attacking, changing the subject, or refraining from finishing sentences altogether. Or, plot twist, talking too much. One of the issues he has constantly avoided is foreign policy. I get it, like a magician, Trump doesn’t want to reveal his secrets. He’s like the David Blaine of repairing America’s relationships. But his refusal to outline policies isn’t a complete failure, because it gives you a great costume.

What you’ll need:

-A bad wig. Like the closer to troll dolls hair the better.
-An unapologetic attitude even when you’re clearly wrong
-Be sexist (relax, it’s just for the night!!!)
-A blank notebook clearly labeled “Foreign Policy”

“I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.“

— Donald Trump

4) Handful of Poisonous Skittles


A few weeks back, Donald Trump Jr. made headlines when he compared Syrian refugees to poisonous skittles. “If I had a bowl of Skittles and I told you three would kill you, would you take a handful?” His meme asked. Sick! No, really, good comparison. Totally makes sense. For the record, I’d still take the skittles even if some were poisonous. They’re so good.

What you’ll need:

-Ability to not get annoyed with v stupid comparisons
-Douchey look on your face always
-Bags of skittles
-Mean dad

5) Bill Clinton: Balloon Enthusiast


We don’t deserve this photo

Do you remember? Do you EVEN remember? It was a peaceful night at the 2016 DNC when the world fell in love with Bill falling in love with balloons. His optimism wasn’t what we deserved, but rather what we needed this election. Bill Clinton + balloons = best combo since United States of Pop 2009 and YouTube.

What you’ll need:

-Really good hair
-Like reallllly good hair
-A saxophone, probably
-Whenever your friends want to leave the party make them wait for you
-A shit ton of balloons

6) The exclamation point from the Jeb! logo


The exclamation point from Jeb! is going to be the new vampire or witch. Believe me. This one’s going to be a hit. Kind of mad I’m giving it to everyone. A lot of people were pleasantly surprised with Jeb Bush this race. Sadly, he is now nothing more than a distant memory. Like velcro shoes or Ryan Cabrera. Well, at least Jeb can laugh about it.

What you’ll need:

-Red markers
-A sense of humor and wonder
-Enthusiasm towards grammar and punctuation

7) The bird from Bernie Sanders’ podium


Birds have captured our attention and loyalty throughout history. From Big Bird to Donald Duck to Hedwig (RIP), there’s just something about birds that gets us fucking amped. This election was no different, thanks to Bernie Sanders. During a May rally, a small bird interrupted Sanders’ speech to a standing ovation. FYI if that was Trump he literally would have ate the bird. Sidenote: someone please do a follow-up piece on where the bird is now.

What you’ll need:

-A basic knowledge for birds. At least know what they look like.
-Here’s a good description of what kind of bird it was.
-Spoiler alert: It’s a Finch
-1 Bernie Sanders “A Future to Believe In” sign

8) Trump’s taco bowl


Ah, an instant classic. There could be a 30 for 30 about this picture. It has it all: ignorance, racism, weird golf trophies in the background. NOT TO MENTION THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES WHATSOEVER IN THE BOWL YOU SOCIOPATH. Anyways, if you’re struggling to find a costume, go for the historic Trump Taco Bowl. It’ll be better than you dressing up with a mustache and sombrero. Because no.

What you’ll need:

-A really big tortilla bowl
-Lots of taco meat (Kroger has great deals/shout-out to Kroger)
-An innate feeling of racism probably helps
-Throw in some sexism for good measure
-Hey, if you make decisions on a whim without thinking them through, you’re perfect for this costume
-A golf trophy
-No vegetables.
-F U, Trump

9) Matt Lauer, “Eh” Moderator


This election marked the first ever Commander-in-Chief forum, which gave presidential candidates the opportunity to discuss issues such as national security veterans affairs and more. Matt Lauer moderated, and, well, he wouldn’t be on this list if he did a great job. He refused to follow-up on several important questions, let a certain Republican candidate outright lie, and didn’t ask anything about that new Chainsmokers song – a huge oversight in my opinion. Now, you too can play moderator for fun.

What you’ll need:

-Be famous to bring in ratings, even if you don’t have knowledge on the topics
-1 microphone
-Pieces of paper
-Let people get away with things all night

10) Gary Johnson’s Memory


Gary Johnson is like that kid who tries out for the varsity basketball team even though he’s a little undersized. You’re rooting for him because of his heart, but in the end it’s just not meant to be. First, it was the Aleppo moment where he was unable to name the Syrian city of Aleppo. Then, he couldn’t name a single world leader. “I guess I’m having an Aleppo moment” he said. Well, Gary, I don’t blame you. People keep buying Limp Bizkit albums so I don’t really know how the brain works.

What you’ll need:

-To look like your average white politician
-Giant question mark cutout
-Before every drinking game you play, admit that you have no chance of winning but stay in the game
-Intentionally forget the answers to questions all night

11) Chris Christie at a Bruce Springsteen concert


There’s a little Chris Christie at Bruce Springsteen in all of us. I think Bruce has done more to bring Liberals and Conservatives together than any president. Regardless of your musical taste you have to respect Christie’s dedication to The Boss. A number of tweets, photos, and videos were captured of him dancing the night away at his 141st Springsteen concert.The only thing I’ve done 141 times is eat Twix bars.

What you’ll need:

-1 boombox
-Bruce Springsteen’s greatest hits album
-Be sweaty
-Like, be really sweaty
-DGAF about anything
-Forget that you are supporting Trump for a few hours

Honorable Mentions

  • Ann Coulter’s ignorance
  • That high school Facebook friend who keeps posting racist statuses
  • Donald Trump’s weird/creepy sons
  • Clinton and Wall Street date night
  • “Locker room talk”
  • Basket of deplorables

So, go ahead. Try to be something scarier than this election.