What’s up? Hope you’re good.
Just wanted to reach out to thank you for saving my ass from getting booted off the $10 bill. The Treasury Department decided to make room for a non-old white guy on a money bill so, thankfully, they’re replacing Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill. I have no doubt that if it wasn’t for the popularity of your show Hamilton, they would have removed me off the $10 bill instead. Which would have been devastating.
Can you imagine? Being the first person taken off money? That’s supposed to be permanent and, at least for a Founding Father, the only way young people remember who you are. You saved me from the fate that fell to Lemuel Haynes and John Zubly.
Listen, I know I haven’t reached out since your little show about me “blew up.” You must be pissed. I’ve been meaning to connect, I swear. I’m dead and in heaven, sure, but the least I could’ve done is send some sort of message saying “I see what you’re doing and I approve and while I don’t totally understand why a group of people dancing and shouting around is a big deal, I’m grateful for your respect and honor.” I don’t want you to think I’m selfish because I chose to reach out to you ONLY after something good happened for me.
And I know, I’ve had all sorts of great things coming my way since Hamilton-fever hit the nation, not just being saved from money-picture banishment. People have been looking up my wikipedia page A LOT more. Little known fact: That’s ALL anyone talks about up here in heaven: Whose page is getting the most traffic at wikipedia.com. All the new guys have a big spike when they first get here, but they soon come back down to Earth, so to speak, when their wiki page traffic descends into exclusively pimply research paper writers and late night stoners. Another little known fact about heaven: Founding Fathers automatically get in. Some of us did some pretty bad stuff, but we made America, so it’s kind of like a loophole. I don’t feel good about it morally, but I also don’t make the rules.
I’ll admit, I never expected to have a second act in the after-life, so this has been a pleasant surprise. Theater fans are going nuts for me! But, you know, not to be rude, music theater fans aren’t exactly “my demo,” if you know what I mean. All that dancing and singing? No thanks. I’m more a beer-and-smoke-on-the-back-porch kind of guy. I won’t go so far as to say musical theater is for wusses, because that would be disrespectful.
Don’t get me wrong about the musicals thing, though, I love how you’re putting yourselves out there. You all are so energetic and look like you’re having so much fun. And you’ve all done a great job memorizing your lines almost every time. I haven’t seen a whole performance but I have watched a few clips online. Like when you went to the White House with Obama? That was cool. I want to say Obama should be on money but I’m afraid he’d take the $10 from me in an instant.
Anyway, your little song and dance show saved me from Andrew Jackson’s fate and I thank you with all my heart for that. You should see him up here. He’s been ugly-crying non-stop since hearing the news. I keep telling him, “Dude, you’re still gonna be on the back of the bill. And you get to share it with Harriet Freaking Tubman! THAT’S pretty cool.” But you know Jackson: Um, drama-queen much?
So thank you Lin Manuel Miranda. Please feel free to ask me for anything by staring into the sky and shouting (that’s how you communicate with people in heaven. It seems too obvious to be true but, its.). Also, Ben Franklin just gave me $100,000 heaven dollars to ask you to write a musical about him next, so, this is me doing that. I feel awkward about it but I need the money (Don’t ask!)